第八届绿洲毕业营 21-23/12/2010

在美里的这段假期里,
我原本是觉得毫无生气的,
一想到假期的短暂和太多想完成的事就显得忧虑.
现在回想就满滑稽的,
我还那么年青,
却比上年纪的长辈还怕有未了的心愿...

感谢绿洲的开放,
我可以在这第八届的毕业营里当义工.
事实上,我并没尽力与本分去做,
甚至还有想忙里偷闲的念头.

这次持有义工的身分参加营会,我仍旧获益不浅
我在另一个层面体会到所谓"热忱的义工"并不是个想帮助人的念头罢了就可以做到的,
而需要生命的感染.

认识了不少的人,
也从他们身上学到不少,
大家彼此分享,
坦然以对,
自己也很享受在这个家庭中...

营会的内容,
也仍然可勾起去年身为参加者的回忆与领悟,
自己在从新审察自己的当儿,
也发现了自己在到外读书后的奇妙改变...

我很向往这样的营会及生活,
三天的时间虽不长,
我却觉得好有意义.

明年,
我还要当义工,
学习如何做得更好!

为义工的学习路程祷告! =D




*与16位参加者的大合照*

归属

离开了5个月,
终于回到了美里...
这还是我第一次能独自离家生活,

5个月...
其实可以有很多改变..
我真的很感谢神,
让我渐渐与师训的朋友变得更亲密.
事实上,
我是个爱钻牛角尖的人,
可是至少那儿的朋友都很亲切的接受,
我很开心,
特别是在槟城之旅,
甚至是各自回家时,
心里是满满的不舍...

在飞机里,
我其实很矛盾,
我开始在思考到底哪里是我的归属,
我对答案并没那么有信心...

是semenanjung Malaysia?是美里?
我很容易受影响,
哪里需要且重视我,那里就有可能是个归属...

现在,
只希望我能够定睛在神的身上,
依着活着的目的,
有意义的活着,
活出神喜悦的生活....
至少,神是 我们的归属...

The end of the First sem in IPG..

After few more hours,
i would have to move into the big hall for the last exam paper,
which i could tell that i didn't prepare for it.
It is because the covered topics are too wide, and yet i don't know what is it about lol!!
Hopefully can pass XD...

I ran from a COMPULSORY "gathering" in my hostel.
It start at 2 am and suppose it won't end within 2 hours.
I escape..
Due to some reasons,
i ran...

I would move to penang for a trip after tomorrow.
I am wonder about it. =D
I do miss Miri too, but somehow need time to adapt back if i back Miri..
I need sometime to ignore those gaps i ever have.

Friend's gathering is coming soon huh..=D
Miss Kevin, Choon Man, Rong Cheng, Duan Xun Friends, Church, Lv Zhou, and more...
haha but i know i cant over expect for everythings...
I have to learn to appreciate first..

Thanks God,
it is the end of 1st sem v v v soon.
Please lead me for the rest of my life too..
Amen..

Wake up wake up! Take your right move!!

I am getting further away from my right track..
I should follow the road shown by the God, but i didn't.

I was too focusing on those targets i wish to achieve and problems it seem to me.
I almost live for this world..

Pray!
Pray Pray!
PRAY PRAY PRAY!!

brothers and sisters in Christ,
hope u do pray for me as well if u see this post..

i don't want to live for own only,
i could make bigger contribution for God..
i need strength

智慧

几经折腾,
终于能走出生病的痛楚了.
痛的不是那躯壳,是脆弱的玻璃..
一个星期,真的很长,很长...

其实,
我真的很想放纵情绪,
像小孩那样面对事情,
可是,
免了...
我负不起那责任...
还是为大局着想吧...

现在回想,
真的没想到我已经挨过了..
感谢主...

我不喜欢被质疑,
因为那样我也会质疑自己,
我不喜欢被讨厌,
因为那样我也会讨厌自己...
我了解为何会如此,
看到目前的瓶颈,
只能一直给自己乐观的鼓励.

人会成长的,
我相信...

在处理情绪和无奈时,
我需要更多的智慧..
更多...
更多...

从神而来的智慧...
来面对人的无知...

好彷徨,
希望我是朝着对的方向走...

Guitar

This is the 1st guitar i had in my life..
Hopefully i would learn with passion and make full use of it..
To honour the God..
Bring joy, peace, love...=D

愿意依靠祢

这,是一个久违的见证,
烦闷的心情,
在奇妙的午后,
溶解了...

我好喜欢这本<辅导心理学>,
神似乎都一直透过当中的教导对我说话.

"许多个人问题的产生, 是因为人未能让基督作自己思想及行为的主宰,也不晓得那真正追求神的人有用不尽的力量资源!"

我坐在无人的花园中,
闭目祷告,
希望神能充满我,
让我继续成为他喜悦的仆人...

[7 你们祈求,就给你们; 寻找,就寻见; 叩门,就给你们开门.
8 因为凡祈求的,就得着; 寻找的, 就寻见; 叩门的, 就给他开门.
9 你们中间谁有儿子求饼, 反给他石头呢?
10 求鱼, 反给他蛇呢?
11 你们虽然不好, 尚且知道拿好东西给儿女, 何况你们在天上的父,岂不更把好东西给求他的人吗? ]
马太福音 7 章 7- 11 节

神是那允许的父,
他让我醒悟,
有许多得着...

我回忆起过往灵魂被拯救的事故,
真是奇妙!
神透过辅导者,
让人得拯救,重生,长进...

看见自己的改变,
我知道当中都是神的带领..

我希望能继续为神做美好的见证,
人都拥有软弱,
我知道藉着天上的父,
一切都有可能...
现在的我,
虽还是个无法成大局的人,
但只要上帝愿意用我,
而我也愿让上帝塑造,
奇迹不是妄想.

这几个月以来,
我频频跌倒,
愿慈爱的天父,
时时保守我,
不陷在罪中...

Turning phase

I am wondering,
how long could i still assume i am a teenager. =X

Not long right?
But i had to learn to love and enjoy life too..
An adult can also live happily right?

Sometimes,
i m feeling stress while on my way learn to b a teacher,
i have to learn to act as an adult do before that.
Do you ever seem a teacher act immature as a teenager?

hmm...
Be tough man!
whatsup whatsup..!
The skies are there waiting for you to reach high!
ush~
Lets cherish and make your rest of adolescence be a cool 1! =D

Maybe it is true

I guess i know why i am quite upset now..

Feeling useless or sad cause can't help those who u wish to help right? Jai Seng..

haiz...
take it easy.. take it easy...
though it may uneasy for you...

=X

A weird feeling

Feeling confuse,
feeling weird...

The feelings jump out of a sudden.
Feel like there are really too much things to learn..


*To help, it depend on situation...
To help, we don't simply help everyone...
to help, think of who we are first...*

Those question jump out of my mind suddenly..
I wonder,
who can i help?
how should i help?
who am i to help?
......

I am on the way exploring of the definition of "HELP".
Tonight,
i get lost...
I would rest first,
start my journey again soon.

*The happiest people don't neccessarily have the best of everything,
they just make the best of everything they have..*

I read the quote above on the wall of others on FB,
it is so meaaningful.

and yet i m trying to apply it to my feeling now..
jia you !

珍贵的回忆

借宿了三天,
今天终于回到了这间四四方方的IPG.

第一次到穆斯林的家做客,
一起准备,庆祝..
起初还担心害怕有些沟通上的障碍,
最终却相处的不在话下..

过程,
是珍贵的.

很庆幸,
很开心.

很想与人分享,
回忆..

临别时,
我看见了一个小女孩的不舍,
她,
是那么的单纯,
那么的在乎与珍惜,
这看似简单的三天..

谢谢你,
你的眼神,
就是那说不完的故事......

A wonderful dream

Things happen around are so warm though may imperfect in certain aspect,
I am so serious about it and cherish whatever as I can.
It was a sweet moment in Miri..

I know it was a dream when i had woke up..
i am not desperate once i know it was only a dream..
I appreciate it cz i have even a dream like this..

At least,
i ever went back to Miri last night.....

=}

如果没有金钱负担..

今天是假期的第五天......
我想,
我似乎需要加强我逞强的能力了..

真的,
有些受到惊吓了..

我妄想,
如果我是蛮富裕的人,
现在的我,
会在客厅里陪妈妈看电视,
会因为她的唠叨而学习了解并知足..
并不会在这里...
痴痴的幻想...



知道自己不能一直懦弱!
总不能一直待在避风港..
唉...可是...
....我.....


如果成长是那么的刻骨铭心,
这一刻,
我真的好害怕成长..
没有人知道,
乌云何时会逝..
只有等待.. 期待.. 深深的无奈...

我又好希望,
能找人分享,分析,讨论
我生命中的每个好与坏..
可是该死的自尊心与孤敖,
总是能拒人与千里,
有时候,
真不知自己在坚持什么,
也不知道自己为了什么而坚持...

情绪缓缓超越坚强的面具,
我需要更有信心的面对生活..
需要一些陪伴与鼓励...
更需要学习..
独自的面对..
自给自足.......

乡

如今,
离乡升学,
我也几乎与美里的一切断离联络..

面对拥有血缘关系的家人,
有时,
真会不知所措,
如今就像是一家人的鱼儿,
却活在不一样的鱼缸.

自从换了鱼缸,
我知道一昧眷恋着过往的环境不能让我在现有的环境成长,
然而,
我仍会胆却,
我对于自己保持联络与关心的能力豪无信心.
我看见自己在这方面的忽略.
我好希望我是个贴心的家人,
好希望我能很自然的爱我的家人..
好希望,
电话的另一端,
和我这一端,
是满满的爱...

2 weeks of Raya break from today

It is holiday!
Too bad it is not my time to back..
I will be staying here with 3 others Sarawakian in this "huge" but silent IPG soon.

No cafe open for sell food in this holiday~
No entertainment~
No gathering with family~
No gathering with those who are always friends~
No shelter for me to rest~

God, please lead me to go through it.

God, please let me meet your love

I want to experience Your love more...
More than everything...

=X

Whenever i am down,
whenever i am afraid to disturb others or don't know who to share with,
I appreciate this blog so much.

Changing ownself is easier than changing others =D,
hopefully my changes are good 1.
It may not accepted by others,
as long as it accepted by God,
it would be more than enough.

Today pray list - Pray for those who have been forgotten or ignored.. =D
God love you no matter how others look at you

Thanks God For the Arrangement You made

Life in IPGKSM here isnt easy and there are lot of things for me to learn..
I was not in good mood and in stress which had influence my daily life lately..

But Thanks God!
i just have a sharing session with a Christian here.
He is non chinese, but i reli appreciate God for the arrangement of tonight.

God, plz continue to be my lord in my life.
Please give me wisdom and let the holy spirit always with me..
May what i do i can put You in the 1st priority.
May i come to You more often, even in every minutes i can remember of Your present in my life..

God, thank You for the "church" u had arrange for me tonight..
I love You

FAKING?!

I don't know how am i recently.
I can tell you i'm fine,
I can tell you i am stil adapting,
But i cant tell you whether i am honest in my answer or not.

Sometime i used to confuse about my own feeling.
maybe i had been get use to think in a complicate way,
maybe i had been get use to psycho myself too much.

I can be know nothing while i am sad in my deep heart.
Well, i believe my feeling is hidden.
Mrs Christina from Miri church called me jz nw and we have a short chat,
i merely had my homesick lost control.

Haha..

I can't be a weak person,
I don't want to be a weak person.
sometimes I just have to psycho myself to become a "strong" person.
Well, i duno whether it work o not,
mayb it is,
for temporally.

I would stil living in this way,
until i found a better way..

=[

An awesome TESL Night

TESL = Teaching English as Second Language

It was a dinner until 12 am =.=..
I had become the amcee of whole the ceremony..
Well, it is a good experience, but more to tiring XD..

I am glad to have bunch of frens here.
Our relationship may not too good yet
but i ll learn to put in effort in it...

Kinda miss Miri sometime lo,
but what to do,
I can't controlled by my emotion..
jia you Jai!!

I had tonnes of feeling

I spent my time from 1pm-7.30pm to play badminton and volleyball.
I had pushed myself too much and cause fatigue.

I am a normal person but want to be bit special at least to some1, that is myself.
I am a stupid person that ll over push myself.
I am a stubborn person who want to win and good in everything..

i feel tire,
Thanks God i m not mentally tire yet, perhaps soon.
I really want to join the worship!
I merely survive by my own weak will.

I admit that i had lack of confidence.
Thats why i always set myself a high expectation.
I want to improve more n more n faster n faster.

I had something bothering me actually.
But, i found that i don't have much wisdom while dealing with it..
Haiz..

God....
God.......

God, plz let me hold Your hands

I wish to lie in Your arms.
I wish i could get closer to You.
I know there is no1,
understand n love me more than You do..

Thanks for giving me the ability to worry.
I am worry if i had loosen Your hands,
I know that i am not strong and tough.
I know that You had keep giving what i need.

Please open up my eyes,
so that i can see clearly where am i.
So that i can walk to Your side...

I need strengths to contribute more as well as keep myself in suitable situation..

God,
I need you..

Latest report

I am fine in IPGKSM.
Whenever i define myself as fine i really do trying to let most of the things to be fine..

I believe i had grown up more here..
I learn alot from others..
I am now facng different challenges now.

The most troublesome matter is i could not make out any solution to go for church.
God, plz lead me to the wisdom,
lead me to You...

难过的一天

我来到了漂亮的沙滩,
回头一看,
脚印都被海浪洗涤,
我不禁回想过去,
发生过的忧伤却是个抹不去的事实,
我就这样度过一个挣扎的下午...

寻找出口..

人可以朝夕相处却无言以对,
心可以朝思暮想却无能为力,

但无论情绪如何,
分享与分担是无可厚非的.

但是,
尽管感情不错,
总会有说不出口的事与时候..

What had i missing?

Sad to admit that,
I feel like i had a bad quality of life recently.

Despite the physical health,
i am more concern about my mental health and status of my soul.
However, i really feel very bad.
I discover that i had less time and efforts to enrich my soul.
I damn dislike it.

I just had some leisure time to read the counselling book i brought to here today.
I can merely had myself comforted.

Counselling is not an easy task,
It is definitely not easy to become a Counsellor too.
The target of counsellor is so so far away from me now.
Not because of the counselling skills n knowledge i lack of,
but the good qualities of a counsellor.
Disappoint

Bad Temper

I am feeling guilty and quite complicate now.
I chat to my little bro in message just now when i was sick,
and i used the improper tone ONCE AGAIN when my family members are trying to care bout me by questions.

I hate this action of mine,
and i don't understand why.
Is it i don't know they care me?
Or i don't like them to care me?
I feel sorry.

MY feeling toward Life in IPG here is hard to describe by words.
I just had to move forward.
I don't know wat can i hold in my hands,
but i know what can i contribute if i continue to move forward..

My God,
please give me the passion i need,
I am afraid if my view is fully belong to this world.
Let me had a closer relationship with You..

却步的钢铁

有时软弱,有时刚强,
是人的天性.

在这被灌上"伟大教育者的出产工厂"里,
我,
似乎不愿有软弱的想法.
我,
就是为了培养毅力而来的,

能否对教育付出热忱,
我不知道.
是否挨得过?
这不是个问题,而是需要被操纵的过程.

教育的盲点多不剩数,
人,毕竟是会犯罪的人.
我只希望,
对辅导的热忱在往后能积极发展,
在神喜悦的情形下,
在现实社会的许可下,
一滴一滴挥洒汗水.

Good bye to the Comfort Zone as well as Memory zone

Time is something special and incredible which human can always lose to him..
i believe, God is the 1 who cr8 the time and make the law of universe.

And now, i had to move myself to face the challenges and another stage of life.
I realize tat i was learning as well as discovering more n more in this period.
Thanks to those who encouraging me in my life.
Thanks for those gathering we had too.
Thanks God to let me had such memorable time..

I do still walk around my weaknesses,
there are still lot of things i can not handle well,
but indeed,
i had always forget tat how much blessing i had in my life..

Lastly,
i still could not say out wat are deep inside my heart yet..
i ll keep it in my heart temporary be4 i could found a way out..
ush..

My lord,
plz hold me tight in Your road..
Amen..

Ish..

I am bad temper, bla bla bla..

Define "TIME" as a speedy racer

At the 1st moment i was thinking of what to post up here, i was already left behind of time. Now, time is running faster and faster while i am typing.... with my slow pace and heavy mood.

How come i never being alert of my competition with time all this while since i born?
Nonsense question..
It is just because i didn't do what should i do at most of the moment.
So now, Past had past massively, left me gasping behind..

Whenever i am preparing stuff for my leaving and registration over Trg, i hardly had time to prepare for this coming dismissal. I hardly to prepare myself for the time over there..

I just asked my dad for get our family a full family photo within tis 2 weeks.
However, it fail..
It is not v possible for dad to take further leave to stay in Miri and take the full family photo that i had been wanted for so long..

hmm... hopefully we have a chance for that in futur.. >.<

Ready, Go! Terengganu..

Latest update:

I have been chosen as a student for maktab (institut pendidikan guru).
I have to go Terengganu for it.
It takes 5 and 1/2 year to finish the degree.
It is the 1st time for me to go out from sarawak lol..
kampung kia.. zzz

Well, my emotion are not in good condition recently..
i m still trying to control it.. zz i am a sentimental person actually..
i used to roar at my family recently..
perhaps feeling quite stress too.
reli bu she de a lot of things n person..
haiz, jia you ya jaiseng..

hold God tightly,
HE ll lead you de..
frens, plz remind me n wake me up whenever i forgot the Mighty God...

Who should i concern for? Which stuff should i give my passion in?

My life in f6 had start since 3 weeks ago.
It is not a long period,
i can hardly differentiate yesterday, today or even tomorrow since i could see the time is running out everyday.
I am not here to describe how busy or how hard it is a f6 life for me..
But i would like to say, it may consider as a life which is "half-blind" for me..

Well, i had to balance myself from time to time to prevent myself from getting lost.
A person who step in the trap of emo now may having difficulties to retake his or her courage and confidence. I am the 1 who is half drowning 1..

When i was paying my concern in the academic,
i found tat i used to concern about myself only.
Mayb it is my limit for now,
or mayb i used to act like a selfish 1 when i have to work hard to catch up the study. I really duno the reason, what i know is i have to break through this limit.

I found tat my passion had change eventually. I used to pay more passion in "snaking/resting" or "study" recently. I can sense the passion of mine to help others become weaker from day to day.. I'm quite afraid. I don't want to own by these kind of stuff.

No matter what happen, i have to take care of my health n emotion nicely for now..
Cause this 2 matter might influence One's feeling..I can't give up.. Life is a process for learning too, i hope i can had more better changes with God's leading..

I had been away n away from God..
Thats gonna make me down..
I reli wish i m wishing to glorify the Lord when i m helping others but not for own pride..

面对 "却步 vs 停留"

在一生中,
我们往往会面临挫折.

而在这过程中,
人会有情绪,
时有哀愁,
时有隐瞒.

我们却对这世界有错误的观念,
认为生活可以一帆风顺,
而上帝却没如此承诺.

若是能把自我关心,
扩大至关心更多有需要的人,
你将会发现,
自己想要的条件是奢侈.

活着,
我们有时会却步,
而最让人畏惧的是,
从此停留在那阶段,
走不出自己的阴霾与执着,
也看不见自己的盲点,
更找不到人来帮助自己..

人,
应要有健康的互动..
关心你忽略的人,
给他丰富的泉水,
只要用心,
你也可以...

For :
失望,绝望,无望的人,
尽管情况很糟糕,也会有转机的,
就在人类的视线极限 -- 盲点
转换一个思考模式,
或许你就看得到之前看不到的路... =)

愿神再次让你看见他奇妙的恩典,
洗净你蒙蔽的双眼..

How should i describe it?

The moment i am studying,
i am feeling good although have to finish lot of homework and prepartion..

HOWEVER,
i really less emphasize and hardly can concern on other things now..

I even less concern on other person and help them now...!

I feel quite desperate..

SAVE me God..

Different taste of love and care

Mum had back to Bintangor to visit grandma which is now in other space..
while Dad is now a part time housewife wahahaha..
I m so like to spend my time with dad like this,
though nothing special actually =.=..
But the moment he is at this home let me feel warm..
Maybe we reli don't practising much love expression at home..
But i do care you all..

I am sorry cause i didn't been mature enough in my secondary school life.
however, i will and i believe i m improving..

Now i realize the important of study lol!!
thanks God..

I had just wake up from a sweet dream.
It is most probably only a dream but hardly become a reality.
I am quite sure about it when i am comparing that dream with the situation i am having now..

Well,
i had chose not to feel disappoint about it,
despite,
i m glad that i can experience the sweet moment once in my dream.. =)

I am putting effort to had myself change my view of thinking when i am desperate.
Being tough is not a simple task by myself,
perhaps God lead me so well..

To some1 who is having a miserable period in his/her life now,
all i wish to say is,
Life is never a smooth path,
It need lots of elements to overcome those hard moment too..

I am willing to listen and accompany you through the moment
as long as you are willing to seek for help..

*I used to lock myself in own view and world too when i m facing troublesome matter before. It is not easy for 1 to go through these by own, especially human had the habit to magnify things especially the problems..

Love is the best element in recovery uses..
Don't ever forget to love yourself and the others though you are troubled.

I am praying for you,
my dear friend..

Form 6 starting..

Well,
I am having my further study in ch f6 which can only offer me sc stream for now..
I had get ready myself for any possible or even impossible situation before this..
*Glad that i had a long holiday before - 5 months..

I had prepare myself for fail or don't wish to transfer to art stream anymore due to the matter of time..the transferring progress may take months..anyway, I am trying to do better by working hard to study the subjects of sc stream at the same time i ll concentrate more on PA paper which is also compulsory subject for art student..

Well,
it is jz the second day after the class started,
i feel like losing stamina oled..
I am not calling it as tire or exhausting cz i understand that my situation is not the worst yet..
I pray often for this..
God ll accompany me, it is a fact..
cz He is the lovely God..

I may spend less time on more sharing of mine now onwards, though i always wish i could share more..
However, i'll still improve myself from time to time, to be a better man,
who can contribute to u,u,u,u... in future....

I used to learn n experience more everyday through some little "counselling" session may be between me n frens in the interaction..
Well, the conclusion i get may dun have those supportive scientific approval,
but i m glad for trying..

Take care ya, blog readers..
God bless..

Wanderer

IF i would asked to describe my feeling in my growth,
i would compare it with the feeling of a wanderer...

No point to ask others to understand me seem i know it is hard..

No point to join the others just because i am lonely but never alone..

No point to explain since it is not easy to understand a though of wanderer..

No point to influence by those who live out a so-called "meaningful" life..

No point to "bullshitting" with those who are "blindfolded"..

Last but not least,
It is hardly to realize the presence of a wanderer...

Opps..

Opps..
Doesn't feel good now..
Take care yea jaiseng!

Hmmm...
suddenly feel sympathy with those victim of cancer today..
Lord, plz guide me and lead my way..
Equip me with the strength i should have, to help those who in need..
I have to admit that i am a selfish person and sometime kinda "cold-blood",
i really don't know how could i understand my love better,
but i know You will lead me..

唯美 的回忆 =)

去年的今天，
是个很特别的日子，
是个无可取代的甜美。。

去年的我，
却思绪迷乱难懂像幅抽象画，
只搞懂年少的苦涩。。

对于幸福以为不远，
它却是昙花一现。。

咖啡的香浓固然有限，
正如人的情感表达也是如此，

当初，
你的确替我的咖啡加了砂糖。。

今年的今天，
我喝了杯 coffee，
甜美的甘苦中我似乎体会到幸福的另一滋味。。

今年的我，
努力过的很好，
你呢？


# =) #

灵魂栖息处

离乡之子，或迷失的羊儿，
可别忘了，
当初赐予你独特生命的那一位。


“他”是永恒的那一位，
守承诺的那一位。

我绝不撇下你，也不离开你。 【希伯来书 13： 5 】

一句话，
一个人却有可能需花上一生的时间在怀疑，也无法倘然接受。

然而，
“他”是信实的.

曾几何时，
你回归到灵魂深处？

避开世间五花八门的诱惑吧！
总有那一片青草地，
等着你栖息。。
＝D。。。

Case of mine, you could view and judge it in own way..

It is a hot noon..
I am still locked in this "square box"..
well, it is ok,
it is not the worst,

Appreciate every bad moment of yours,
Cause you will face with better 1!

I had once undergo a tougher moment at home during mid term holiday in last year,
l was limited in this "square box" as well..
Staying in a limited space for a long period could kill 1!
The temperature of that holiday was high too..
I was locked in a "hot pot"
I was once wanna commit suicide for times..
I told some person who use to b v close to me,
but there were non of them manage to giv me a rope to save me out..
I am holding the will of commit suicide for days..
There are no other things scary than that until now..
I am damn depressed..
Damn helpless..
I have forgot how i go through that moment,
but i have to say,
glad that i still can have my sharing here..


There is another case or i can say is a risky joke..
When i was still a probationary prefect in F4,
i use to carry out my duty around the school gate.
I saw a senior student that is more likely an offender.
I went to him and "advise" him to tuck in his shirt,
when i looked on his nametag,
i huai2 yi2 he use the nametag of others,
so i requested to check his bag to prove his identity..
HE REFUSE!
The climaks come around when he tumbuk the wall of the male toilet behind the Block E..
well, the war was still happening afterward, but thats not the point..
Guess wat? The name of that student is Melvin Phuah..
Same to the name of the younger brother of Michelle Phuah..
tats why i ll seek for the allowance to check his bag.. =.=
So funny to recall bout tis..

Life can always have surprises...
No matter wat happen, i jz want to glorify my Lord..
I apologize for the unhappiness i ever bring to any1 of u,
and i wish to spread the gospel and being a good witness all along my life..

Tats all i wanna share today..
Well, sry ya cz i din connect the phrase in better way..

Praise the Lord

It has been a period i didn't face with any severe problem of nightmare or weird dream..
Thanks to my Lord for listening to my prayer and helping me..
Thanks Alice Tong~ for suggested me a great way too..
Musictheraphy did helped.. perhaps Christian song have such awesome effect, cz it is song to praise the God..

Thanks for the leading, Lord.
It is not easy for 1 to accept you..

Thanks God..
=)

Human? Who is the intelligent one? Who is the stubborn one?

Human have no right to judge human,
because we are the creature of same level, stick with sins..
It is a fact,
HOWEVER, it doesn't mean that we can ignore the sins we saw and letting those to happen right?

Sins..
There is always a 1 who forgot the One who create us and give life.
There is always a 1 who do not have a healthy lifestyle.
There is always a 1 who do not treat the person around him/her fairly or kindly.
There is always a 1 who do not know God want us to be perfect in our "kelakuan".

No sins?
Impossible...

ONLY when some1 CAN & WILLING to admit own sins and believe that the
son of God, Jesus willing to forgive us,
can save us from go in the hell due to our sins,
he/she can save from hell, but not sins..
Human=Sin

Well, there are friends around have serious problem in their certain thinking,
i do not know how to help them yet..
i can only pray,
pray to the Mighty 1..

My lord,
could you guide them back to Your arm?
could them understand about Your love and love You?

You told us in the bible,
Knowing and believing in You is the start of the growing of intelligent..
I wish more person can understand this...

Aiyak =.=

o.0 i was having some kind of impossible dream again..
>.< luckily i was not defeated..
i control my mind to defeat it..
Ush....
I start to accept more about everything around me..
including the past..
myself too...

My God,
you are the 1 i should praise..
you can make "nothing" to "everything"
and yet you want us to know "everything" can be "nothing"
when i have nothing,
i know you are everything...
=)..
i want to experience more with your guidance...

感恩

有好一段时间没 update 这一个意义非凡的 blog 了.
它是我间接表达的管道，
也是我更了解自己起伏的管道.

一直以来，
我确实让自己陷入了低潮，
不断的自责，
不断的自卑，
不断的停留在过去，
不好受..

很感激，
生命走到现在，
我仍然还能反省自己.

我也感激，
那些曾在我回忆里的人，
那些现在仍在默默支持我的人，
深信我的人，
了解我不足及缺点却仍接受我的人.

不知不觉中，
我不知我怎么走过之前的一段“黑暗的深渊”.

我不能保证我会一直勇敢的走下去，
但是我一直都渴望勇敢，坚强.

不平常的恶梦仍存在着，
和父母亲的隔蔷依然如此，
我的心态，
却有稍微的不一样.

口里说的可以是玩笑，
希望我能作美好的见证！

颠倒的视野

当别人总在直直地向前看，往着前方迈进，
我却面向在后面的风光，犹豫地踏步前进..

当别人看见前方的窟隆时，都会设法而过，
我却眷恋昨日掉入的网罗， 主动地残害自己..

当别人可以一笑而过时，
我却让自己难过..

当我知道人可以浮在海面上时，
我却让海水覆盖我..

一切一切，
为何就不能再简单化？

为何去渴望一把钥匙，那盒子都没上锁，
只是被压在笨重的错误观念下，
稍微移边去，
不就行了吗。。。

Happy birthday, Han Ong..

Vincent,
Thanks for your invitation to your birthday celebration.
Thanks for being a well witness as a christian all this time too..
Thanks for ever gave me support when i feel like left alone.

I wish to have closer relationship with u lol...

Well, it is a nice gathering...
I hav joy, i believe most of us hav joy...

I felt glad Jacky ll listen to Christianity songs,
Thanks God his sis hav such resource for him as well as being a christian.

I felt grateful once i know i was suggested to hold a pose in VAD group.
Thanks for let me in..
another brand new experience..

I felt safe when i know choon man is aiming to help as much people too,
he can owes put in action to his though easily..
i stil gt a far way to learn..
XD..

I felt like so newbie when talk with those who hav start their pre-U life..
luckily i can accept the gasp between us..

I felt ok when i saw something. Shh...

I felt proud of George!!
bravo!
i m not laughing on u or take u as a joy..
but u did bring joy to us..
thanks...
u have nice courage.. keep it on..

I felt shameful when jiayang is telling me a right way of thinking bout going to church...
ya just bcz i have problems then i should go for God, listen to His words, praise him though in problems..
I wan't to hav a healthy lifestyle..
with the presence of God..

I felt happy i can hav lot of conversation with Chung Ong n Vincent tonight.
We less talk actually..
But i hope i can hav better relationship with them..
vincent, u r a great man actually, just nakal bit lol..

I felt good when asked by Hui Yii them for some gatheing..
Beach, Sunflower Centre..
Nice..
I reli wan to go for it..

I felt safe bout Han Ong,
though not v close or less talk with him..
but he is owes a great n helpful man..

Thanks God for such gift to me..
I m happy tonight..

Precious Corner

It was an early morning instead of late night..
I come to my bed around 1am++..
i m listening to a song tat time..
repeat n repeat..

"Zui4 Zhen1 Gui4 De4 Jiao3 Luo4"....

I like songs..
I like to understand n immerse in the melody, mv as well as lyric of the song.
this song have let lot of my sweet memories flash back as speed of light.
so amazing!
I am qi dai more on our expenditure in future, though some of us may cant meet or have to separate..

I msg some of those who owes playing important role in my life..
well, thx God i got warm respond from them too..
hehe ah ter kena my msg woke up qu..
lol!!
there is 1 of the msg i sent, i put some special words inside.. >.<
with the tips from the capital letter..
i duno it ll have the day to b discover o not..
but it is ok though the msg may been categorized in deleted msg now.

I m feeling so good today..
cz of wat i did.. lol..
i reli feel good when i cn open my heart to send these..
i duno i can maintain or do better in tml n tml o not..
i just reli happy when i can try to express my true feeling..
but not cheating myself sometime..

It is the easter day..
i absent for church gathering again..
go to cc with brothers pula!! lol...
it is my own fault..
i reli wanna be a helpful counsellor in future..
i reli wanna help the people around me with my counselling skill..
especially with god's help n religion base.
once i leave Him, i m weak..
this is true cz i ever went through it.
and today, thx God for listen my prayers all this while...
though i may not Your good son now..
Hold me tight, Lord...
Hold me tight too, the 1 i care...and the 1 care me..
let me be ur castle for a warm rest..
let God fulfill our daily life...
Amen...


i do make a kind of prayer sometime,
wish tat my wife in future is a christian as well..
hope tat i can make it..
share the gospel to the 1 i love..
though it seem hard now..

My youth, my life

youth is the time when u shud ve high spirit, n now u lack of spirit till tis level.
u wanna wait till when 2 enjoy da high spirit? when u r using tongkat?
tat time u ll more down than now, cz u ll realize tat u ve WASTED your time over useless things...

u r being controlled so much by ur own feeling..
u do wad ur feeling asks u 2 do.

is time 2 wake up lo jai..

Argh..........

Love

Love is easy but never easy.
Love is simple but never simple.
I am awake but duno wat i am expressing..

I found lots of love in Ch concert 2010..
I found mine too..

Past? Currently? Future?
????

Congratulation

Congratulate to all students, teachers as well as senior involved in CH school concert 2010!
Bravo! Well Done! Adorable! Big claps for you all!

Sorry for ever looking down on come of you as well as this year concert.
Thanks for proving out the standard of you all as well as the effort.

CH concert 2010 didn't disappoint me!
I saw the improvement, mayb not much, but is encouraging..
Proud..

I really love CH concert.
Too much memories in my past are related to CH concert..
Sweet, Sad, Pain, Sour, Tears, Too much.......

however, i should learn to put down..
For lot of things, including CH concert.

Ch concert 2010...
see you..
i duno i still can see you on the next year or not,
i duno who am i the next year i see you,
i duno who ll be my side the next year..

But i know, i have to learn to live in silent too..

Thanks God for helping me go through all these while when i m down.
It past oled..
The tough moment have gone..
=')

Argh!!

I have dream of something i should forget since last year.
It keep influence me recently..
Haiz, i don't want to see you anymore.. T_T
See too much, think too much, dream too much, disappointed too much..

How could i dare to put any hope in this again?
How could i really put down this?
I am doing stupid act again.
I should not spend too much time on this.
The feeling isn't good.
Do i only can smile in forced when meet with this kind of thing?

I want to overcome it, all the time!
but i choose to run away for it most of the time,
i am very afraid to recall back the past again like today.

However, jia you oh jai..
you can be happy too de,
maybe that thing u wan't doesn't suit you?
Zzz maybe...
But no point to hurt myself anymore after others right?
=)
A Smile with hidden feeling....

God! please help me! PLZ!

I am having nightmares up to 15 times in March..
I am v scare of nightmare.
The nightmares of mine were too real and make me exhausted.
I dreamed to be chased, murdered, betrayed, cheated...
I have facing this problem after i come to secondary school.
But things come worse n worse in this month..
I nt dare to sleep early every night.
I am scare to having anymore nightmare.
I am a coward, with loneliness and stress..

Plz help me, God

A Short Burst of Depressant

i went to concert rehearsal today.
I felt super stress, imbalance, and depress in my heart.

I ask myself,
who can come in my heart and comfort my soul..
I can answer the name of no one, except God..
i pray for times.
I am hungry for His guidance.

I remember it is around 5 pm.
I cried.
I listened to the speech given by Mr Chen Qi.
He mention about the bonding among each other like a family.
I was alone in a secret base that time.
I cant last anymore longer when i have some conservation with Moses.
Thanks Moses..
I can't release my feeling for times..
Thanks God i manage to release SOME..

I am really suffering.
Really.

Things keep challenging me as well as my feeling.
I experience lots of tough war in my heart..
Who know..
Who care..
Who can help me..

My soul was burst in FLAME when worked with Logistic heroes afterward.
I would like to call them as heroes, as i know how hard n suffering they may face.
I walk through it.
I manage to enjoy the cooperation and feeling of gaining victory 1 by 1..
They manage to solve lots of problem at last.

Who can work with me?
Who is willing to walk through his or her life with me?
Who can let me feel safe to hand over my sincerity and true heart.

My heart ever been broke in by some people.
But at last, most of them act nothing but a robber.
Sorry for such description.
My heart, have lost its important element.
Its structure, can hardly to recover.
Now, still the same..

God, thanks God i still can call for Your name when i am really alone, helpless..
Please bless me as well as those involve in ch school concert..
May them have a nice experience..

Depressant

I went to school yesterday for stuff of transferring as well as observe the preparation of concert.
Well, the info i had gathered about the school concert doesn't seem encouraging,
i am feeling bad.
The matter of further study was quite troublesome to me,
thanks God it didn't pull me down.

However, i am really disappoint and yet angry.
I am very disappoint with the ATTITUDE of juniors,
i felt sad for some of them too, especially those who are the main committee.
I am having headache,
i can't sleep for 2 hours on the bed last night,
my brain almost getting burst.

I don't feel good.
Especially when the experienced adviser don't recognize me as a adviser to help too.
I am feeling helpless,
i am wondering the rich limit of mine in the concert.

I was thinking of the ways to improve the quality of school concert last night.
It gonna make me mad..
Thanks God i manage to fall asleep last night.
I didn't expect it.

God, plz take over my depressant,
give me the concentration on You..
=(

Books!

I had finish reading the 2 books i borrowed.
I feel great.
1 of the book is english learning.
Another is to understand more about own.

I just more clear about myself now.
I am the one who have unhealthy self image.
Ya i admit it.
May God lead me walk through my growing stage.

Thanks Xiao Hong for borrow me a english story book.
Never know that such story book can be so fantastic.
hehe i like to read it.

20.03.2010

It is the day of war.
It is the day of believe.
It is the day of spreading the love.
It is the melody.

It is not rare to find a touching melody.
But is rare to find a living melody.

I prayed before the gospel ceremony start.
I would like to call it like that instead of a concert.
I prayed for His strength,
So that He can fulfill our life,
use our voice for gospel spreading.

I don't know how is the respond at last.
I don't know about the Will of Him too.
But i am more sure,
this event have become 1 of the witness in my life.
The witnesses of life in praising.

My voice is lying in ICU currently.
May God bless me,
Thanks for this gift as a reminder.
Remind me of everything i learn in the camp,
no matter in the way of music of gospel.
Thanks God.

May Praising Non-stop, Amen..

How could i understand your prints?

My Lord,
i feel good when i can praise you sincerely,
i feel good when i can experience your love,
through guidance, brothers and sisters in church.

I am exhausting throughout the 3rd Eastern Malaysia Church's Choir Practice,
but i am full,
but i am positive,
now.

"Happiness is a choice, not a chance. You decided on it, need not wait for it to happen by chance."

I saw the phrase above from my kor- Henry's personal message in msn.

I may cant fully agree with it,
cause i cant make it out for now.

However, i believe the faith and morale of ones can influence his happiness.
Happiness only seem far away when he has misunderstand or mistaken in these.

But, i would more prefer to pleasure in life if compare to happiness.
I would like to concern more about the pleasure in life through the love.
Jesus is the love,
One can be enriching when his soul is equip with love.

Happiness do not last long,
is not fully beneficial,
sometime.
Playing game bring happiness too, but it is not v pleasant in love.

Lastly,
I choose to let myself to be happy,
surely the pleasure of life too.

But, i am the one who like to zhuan1 niu2 jiao3 jian1.
I didn't noticed about it most of the time too.
I don't even can come out from the cage by myself.

Maybe,
it is the pros of lacking of healthy self image.

Lost

I am getting lost while writing this post.
I just wish to pass a message to myself,
"I am lost!"

It is even miserable since i can hardly notice it.

My lord,
plz guide me still,
I'm getting lost from your path,
You know me the most,
You know me better than i'm,
You are the knowledge.

My lord,
i need you,
i am afraid actually,
i guess i haven't prepare for something,
seem like i am running away from certain devotion or responsibility.

My lord,
how could i hide from you?
You are everywhere,
plz
plz
plz help me...

14/03/2010

Happy birthday, Kwong Xing..
Thanks God i can meet you up in your birthday celebration.
We were losing contact of each other.
It have been a long period after SPM.
But i feel appreciate that we still can have chance for a date.

Thanks God that i can celebrate your birthday with you.
Thanks God that you are a christian.
I just knew it.
Thanks, i ll pray for your growth in your soul as well as life.
Feel free to find me for anything ya.
=)

Cry, instead of acting calm

I am not a tough guy,
but i don't wanna to be a loser too.
We are all learning in the different phase of life.
I am always wanna be stronger,
i believe some of you do too.

I am learning to listen.
Thanks God i am able to listen with concentration at certain time,
i listened to few voices,
i listened to my voices as well,
But, i can't listen to those tears in heart, mine as well.
Sometime, cry is necessary.
Sometime, we just can't cry out our feeling.
Sometime, our body are away from our soul.

The world we are staying now are too fake.
we might being fake at anytime.
Things turn worse when you being fake to your heart.

Listen,
Listen to the right voice.
Is the voice live in your heart?
Or have you been away from your heart by entertainment or "pride" in this world?

We are feeling good after express our love to each other,
We are feeling depress when we don't know how to express our love as well as let others understand..
It is the same too when we cry and we don't..

Be grateful when there is friend who concern on your soul all along your life,
Be thankful when there is friend who concern on your benefit all along your life,
Be careful if there is only entertainment in your friendship.

Pray,
Pray for the strength from God,
Without thy, without me..

Thanks God!!

I am so grateful today for the guidance from god!
Thanks to Mr Lucas for dated me too.
Thanks again for the reassure.
Well, it is another process in my life,
i have walked through some little parts,
congratulates to u, jai..
keep it up!

My mum is having sourness n pain in arm today,
i felt bit sad,
i manage to 'urut' for her,
glad tat it help a bit.
=)

Ling Jai Seng,
is now on his journey,
to figure out himself again,
God, is the most important role for him..

=(

Something,
eating my heart up...

No1 can figure out what it is,
God, save me...

First warning!

You have been fail in your plan..
Wake up and make difference man!

Dont let difference beat you up!!
God,
i m, sorry...
please help me..
refresh my soul..

What have you done in the holiday?

Well, i overuse my body,
i didn't take care of myself,
i didn't really have my responsibility in actions too..
I am wasting the time..
Well, it is no point to blame myself only all these time..
I'll have try to make out some improvement.


1st task- I want to have my passion in spreading gospel back once again!In order to make it out, i hava to enclose my relationship with God as well as understanding in bible.

2nd task - I wish to improve my love. Giving can always be unlimited but we should always satisfy with receiving. Be grateful and positive thinking can help me to love people in better way.
I need to pray to God for love from Him, in order to love others.

3rd task - I wish to manage my time properly as well as live a healthy life. I just have to live out a life which is favorite to God. It may takes my whole long life to witness for this.

4th task - I want to have a habit of reading.
A person who like to reads and know which book to read are man who is intelligent usually
XD.. i have no offence, im just encouraging reading.
I know reading is good, so i have to put in action.


PLEASE guide me and follow up with me from time to time to help me.
Thanks and grateful for the concern from you.. =)

Feeling uncomfortable

I m having unknown stress recently,
i am not sure what is it about!
Im feeling bad.
However, i would admit that this process in necessary in my life,
i can bring in these experiences to another case of others and help them..
It is good.
I just stressed out.
jia you!

Misty and Dusty

My nose is feeling not well after i have my short time of exercise at outdoor.
I don't want to gasp for such air if i have other choice.

this is the ONLY air we have,
please cherish and protect it from being polluted!
Thanks

03.03.2010

Happy birthday to Whye Tchien,
a buddy who accompany me to have my life in secondary school,
though short but is meaningful.

Happy birthday to my elder brother too,
the closest family member to me,
though not v close but is the better one.

I am wearing panda's glasses while typing this post now.
I went to whye tchien's house last night to attend his birthday party around 10pm.
I have a great gathering with my buddies!
I am feeling good and natural with you all although i have been lost contact with some of you..
Thanks God we still can interact well..
Thanks God some of you still welcome me as your fren though we owes have different opinion and view.. HEHE, i ll be there for you too when i m available!

It was 1 am when i back to my home..
I was tiring.
Things come worse because i m lack of a proper sleep these few days!
I was having 2 terrible nightmare ytd,
1 in morning 1 in afternoon.
I "impressed" myself so much lol!
I have been haunted and disturbed by nightmare all these time,
Thoso scenes were too real for me.
I am getting exhausted and non-energetic after these.
I may having stresses in my heart.
I should express them out of my heart in better way.
May God help me in these!
I may lost and i may get down,
I need Your guidance all in my life,
My God, please nourish my soul..
Something must be parasite in my heart again..
It is not good for health..
>.<..
I need a healthy mind and body to serve you, My lord...

Human's nature

What is one thing that Jai Seng is a natural at?

praying? lol


I copied the question above from my fb account.
Well i am. I am natural at praying.
Thanks to that friend, Rc to give me a chance to think about a simple philosophy.

So, here is my question.
Is human natural at praying?

I believe we are!

Making wish is a part of praying too.
Therefore, we shall conclude that making a birthday wish is a part of praying too!

Nevertheless,
Wishing the other people also a part o praying.
So, we shall conclude " I wish you all the best!" is a part of praying too!

The difference between wishing and praying is..
The presence of the One who listened and have the ability to make ACCEPTABLE WISHES go true.

So, which do u think is more powerful?
Wishing or Praying?

If your answer is wishing,
then who is the one do you have faith to help you out?

If your answer is praying,
then are you sure you are praying to the right One?

There are little comments from me,
As a human, i have more confidence in praying when i know who am i asking for help, but not air!
Furthermore, I have much more confidence in my praying when i know the One i asking for help is the RIGHT ONE !

Lastly, figure out the One who should we target in praying is very important..

Thanks for telling me, though i am disagree with you!

I just knew that i consider as go out for too much of time in my parent's eyes.
Friends' gathering and church activities seem unreachable for me.
I don't like this kind of unacceptable education!
I don't want to face with computer, tv and sleep all the time at home!
I want to do something else..
I want to go through more stuff and interaction.

I can't make it out at home..
I wish i can make it, but i don't think now is the time..
I am too lazy at home, i don't like it actually.

Haiz, just heard the discussion among my elder brother with mum,
My bro had did so well,
he still can continue his discussion in patient and polite though mum was not using a better tone in the process.. She even misunderstand what he was trying to say!
Well, my brother ever told me before that he wish he can be patient to talk with mum with God's help.
I saw it!
thanks God
hehe i don't have that confidence i can be such polite in that situation also.

Well, i am outgoing though i am shy and prefer to stay alone in certain time,
i really don't feel good when my freedom is limited and locked,
i just wish to train myself through the situation i may face outside the home..
But i won't get mad, just quite disappoint.
I will take this incident as a thing to learn too..
I have to be more patient and learn to forgive..
May God lead me,
so i really can live out my religion..

The motivation from God

In order to expose myself to others,
i reopen this blog.

I wish to learn to manage my relationship..

I wish to spread the love and help others through this starting point too!

I want to be a counsellor in future,
and now, i m walking on the road God have shown to me..

Love is important,
I m trying to discovering more bout love..

Love is the gift from God,
we have no need to be selfish to give..

Lesson learn on 青团 27.02.10

“事奉人生” 是教会今年的主题，
今天的青团聚会就是针对这给于专题。

God is the Boss，
this is the lesson i learned!

I have clear of the cause of the problem i m facing all this time..
i was desperate since i duno why i have different attitude in different situation
i was desperate too since i duno how to put my love in action
but thanks God i know what to do now..

It is just bcz of a question,
Who is your boss?
who is your boss?

Thanks God..
you are my boss, you are my lord..
i should serve you all my life..

Because of you,
i understand what is love,
You are the love.

I should admit You as my only Lord and Boss..
My Lord,
no matter where i am,
no matter what situation i m having of,
no matter wat am i doing,
You know all of it..

I have been "blindfold" before this,
so i have so many different attitude,
i was acting differently to different "Boss" before..

But,
i should bear in mind tat,
you are the lord i m serving,
i do no need to lap Your shoe,
You do know all bout me.

i just have You as my Lord in my life,
i love You,
so i want to spread Your love toward me to others too..
I'll learn to think of you and love others at anytime..
You are my Lord,
i have to love others and i wan to love others too,
You are my boss,
How can i betray you?
=)
My Lord, give me the strength and intelligent to overcome these..
Amen


P/S: PLZ forgive me if can't understand of what i wrote, my standard of English is low, but i am sincere.

Are you following the trend or holding tight the righteous?

Oh my heart,
i have read an articles at pujut church' notice board this morning,
it is bout the "MEETING AND PLANNING OF SATAN & DEVILS"
it is a factual articles, but i dun think every1 can understand the true meaning of the article,
same as the meaning of gospel and who is the God as well as where we come!

My heart, i thanks to the God to let me have some discussion with you..
My heart, i thanks to the God to let me understand of i have to clear my mind once again to hold back the righteous..

OH my lovely human beings,
Devils are evil,
they are aiming for the failure of human..
What kind of failure is that?
The failure of having a closer relationship with God..

The failure of having a closer relationship with God

OH my lovely human beings,
High-tech stuffs haven't been invented since 50 years ago,
there are no such things like computer, PSP, Plasma TV or even Internet.
BUT NOW, look around you plz!
look carefully!
use your heart to think, nt brain..
What have we loss if compare to the old age?
IGNORE those adv. knowledge bout these "high-tech" stuff we called tat they are lacking of,
We are the loser in fact..
I m not good in collecting facts or arguing as well as dabate..
thanks God for it!
i manage to use heart to think!

Oh my lovely human beings,
Those 70 s, 80 s people are so lucky..
haiz..

They have no entertainment at their zaman..
They are so lucky for it..
they can concentrate on study,
exploring bout philosophy,
the meaning of life... * not the meaning we tot is v meaningful, but the righteous*
so nice...
There are so much distraction now..
Sales, games, money, business, work, fun, parties...
Speechless...

Oh my God,
give me the strength plz..
so tat i can hold tight Your rightous..
Amen..

I like choir!

Wow, the choir practice today make me feel good...
i manage to catch up more on notes as well as more familiar to the keys hehe...
Thanks God n those frens who helping me all the time..
Xiao Hong, Moses, Jeremy, Curtis, Ah lik,Pei Yi hehe...
but i scare i ll miss up the choir practice on every fri or even tuan qi on every sat if i start to work as part time worker..
hope God can lead me as well as give me a harsh situation tat i m manage to go through..
I should hungry for the growth of my soul..
hmm...
anyway.. frens, plz remind me n give me support to hungry for church activities all the time..
thanks =)
the life in church is so meaningful.

A challenging task

Well, i have went to Parkson to search n apply for part time vacancies this afternoon..
It was my first time to have such war..
well i reli expose to a little little bit more to the society..
T.T... it is not easy for me to put down my pride...
i m quite a hypocrite.. sigh..
but thanks God i have such chance n courage to make it out..
At least i m discovering more bout myself through this chance...
i reli duno i m a polite man or wat lol..
or i m just pretend to be polite in front those future employers?
duno.. at least it was a good try..
Arrr... these thing are not easy for me eh..
actually, i m just a nonsense in this world..
i dun have much knowledge or any adorable background...
i just hope i can have a heart tat God ll like to do until the limit God have given to me..
but i owes limit myself 1st before tat..
Hmm, i reli dn have much confidence...
May God lead me this nonsense all the time..
i m having a messy life with sins...
if i m employed, i hope i stil can have te passion to folllow the God...
Amen

Sien

Mood spoiled..
Peace disturbed...
Shao ah!
Why you jiu shi dun understand i need so much courage n independent to do all of these and i m trying to make it out..
i need to prepare myself most of the time just to overcome my inner weakness..
but you... but you...!
but you.... make my world in a mess again..
haiz...

Hmm, exercise is so cool

Well, just have some basketball shooting this morning,
though my shooting rate is so so so low..
but i like the lifestyle whereas exercise are present.
At least i know i am doing something beneficial..
=)...
after the bath, i can feel bit bit..
There are love in myself when i m exercising...
though alone...

A suffering phase to understand jaiseng more..

It have been days.
I'm having parts of slow beat in my life.
Days are not the days to me, but months.
I'm dreaming, drowning.
I have become a coward, looks for cover all the time.
I am afraid of the pretty sun,
i am a coward in front the others..
Oh my...
I can't get lost...
I know God is the guidance, the light of the path,
but i think i have lose the courage n passion to walk out the next step.
I'm losing of the bonding around.
Home, my nest to rest n escaping.
The family is the relationship i can hold other than God..
there is no more motivation can drive me out from home..
what the...
I have feed a COWARD inside of me all the time..
I m afraid of opening the "door",
i m afraid of wat i gonna to face,
I am now to ask, Who am i...
Who am i...
can i be positive 1?
or am i a negative 1?
Sigh..
Courage is the applying of faith,
i have no faith in the other relationship now..
I doesn't believe in my love..
i m suspecting my love..
well, i m getting stuff complicate, i knew it..
i m conflicting inside my heart all the time,
just to prevent the negative me ruling me..
Courage cant be gained by advice or scolding,
Courage is something more holy..
Courage involving the faith..
A faith can only appear in pure n lovely mind..
A faith is something more like miracle..
A faith involving the ruling of the heart..
I m having wounds in heart..
Most of the wounds are getting worse cause of me..
Love is absent..
Love is need now...
God, forgive me to being stubborn..
God, please let me experience Your love..
God, i m afraid of people..
GOD, please guide me and lead me..
I need faith!
I need courage!
I need to love myself!
=(...
I m suffering..
Cant cry out, tears are absent, but those wounds are burdening me and press on me heavily!
I can hardly express it,
i wanna shout, but..
who can open the "door" for me,
bring me to the seashore full of sunshine...
who can touch my heart,
stop me from locking myself anymore...
God, i love you..
i hope i reli can kno how to love you..
My family, i love you all,
i hope i reli kno how to love you all..
jaiseng, i love you too,
i hope..
there is love...

Cheer up

I just have an outgoing with my lovely kor this afternoon,
together with a v few of best frens n juniors..
We spent our golden time just for a movie..?!
Well i dun like to watch movie in cinema actually..
It is a expensive entertainment for me..
This is not the main point!
It is bcz interaction is rarely happen in cinema usually..
at least i m one of the example..
Well, i have to go just after the movie had finish..
i missed a good chance to share with a close person,
who have the VIP's card to go in my heart..
haiz..
I really dun have much time to talk with him face by face just now..
quite sad...

I was sitting in the bus,
sunset could attract my sight easily..
but not my mind..
fa dai again...
XD...
I really quite scare to take a ride in bus again..
It remind me of lots of memories i often think in bus..
and most of the memories including.....
haiz..
I have to rest ah..
but i have to try to let my soul to have a rest as well..
an unhealthy body n unhealthy mind can just influence my emotion..
It is time a good chance to learn to rely n have more faith in God..

Recovering

Thanks God for my recovering of sick...
though was having some harsh moment n painful night..
but im much better now..
i think i should have an efficient rest..
as well as rebuild my view...

Feeling bad

HOWEVER, i have experienced once again how i recover from it with the help of God,
though i m still tiring.. but wow.. it is amazing..
thx God

Bye forever..

Goodbye grandma..
i m short of time n chance to share the gospel with you..
sorry to say tat, grandma,
the scenes of those tradition make me feel bad..
sry for not close with u too..
haiz...
Mum, jia you ya..
God us the peace n place for u to rest..

14/02/10

Valentine Day...
=X
You happy jiu hao...
I unhappy jiu duno how..
sob...
!@#$%^....^"

13/02/10

It is new year eve..
tml i have to go to Bintangor with my family..
Grandma have been lying in ICU for days..
Hopefully i stil have the chance and courage to share the gospel to her..
='(...

Well..
i have drown in sadness the whole day..
have been reminded of the past..
haiz..
things doesnt seem like encouraging me..
i dun like myself either...

God,
sry for keep forgotten your words
please help me..
guide me..
let me experience your love..

Happy Chinese New Year..
Happy Valentine..


Smile ya~
=X

I .... .

Gathering at Parkson

I went to Parkson with all the duan3 xun4 frens n also
Terrence n Mei Fen...
We went to Popular Bookshop..
I found lot of interesting book as well as Evil books lol..
We enjoy the moment to talk together..
i think all of us like to spend our time together like this...
We have bought books as souvenir n gave to Mei fen, Terry, Tan Yi and Justina..
We have our dinner at KFC...
well it is so fun~
thanks God for gave us such chance to have a gathering..

Tan yi n Justina is leaving to Australia today..
may God bless them to have a safe flight n can adapt to the life at oversea..
may them hold tight the words of You..
Amen...

短训结业礼

06/02/2010

晨祷会后，
便跟着伟欣的车去珠巴堂会，
我们短训生也在88cafe那里和导师们用餐。

接着我们就在教会开始我们彼此的分享见证。
大家都很多灵命上的成长，
我也对自己的改变而感谢神！

后来，我们便开始我们的结业礼彩排，
我接触了第一次的打鼓事奉！
在此我想把这荣耀都给神，
若不是神的奇妙作为，我也须无法胜任这工作！
i like drum set!

我们的表演
－诗歌呈现
－手语表演 （荧光手套〕

这一切，
让我回想这些日子大家共同的回忆。
我感谢神的带领，
我在接下毕业证书时，
心里很感动，
我在教会与弟兄姐妹当中找到了安慰于关怀。。。。。
感谢。。。。。。

Dating inside of God

I went to pujut church ytd as planning of all duan3 xun4 student..
we used the time in morning to do those shou3 gong1 for the jie2 ye4 li3..
>.<..
i was having my precious time to play my drum set happily...
and crazily too..
cool!
improve again le lol....

That evening,
we went to Tanjung beach there..
what a golden time and dating it is.
all of us were appreciate for what God have arrange for us..
it was a pretty memory..


We have our sharing while the sunset..
well, i feel good after say sry for what i have did..
and actually i stil have lots of words to say..
i have to thanks alot of person..
I m glad that i can grow in my Spiritual life with the help of you all la..
We spent bout one and half an hour for the sharing among 16 person!
Unfortunately there are some else frens who cant joined us..
may God lead us..

We have our dinner after tat..
And i ll keep these memory in my heart too..
thanks for all..

Depress!

I feel disappoint n sad..
haiz...
Things going worse with a nightmare i have this morning..
I have been killed n zhe mo by others for times every morning..
Is it cool?
=(

SICK

Wahahaha...

Thx god lo...
i m ok now hehe.. =)

Nigthmare..

Sigh...
Kena chase n murder again..
jump into sea?!! lol....
Zhe2 mo2 by people...
oh... i cant stand it....
reli reli bad mood..

=(

BE TOUGH..
and rely on God...
then i ll be ok...
will be ok....
=(

Emo-ing?

Zzz... i din go sleep but go online...
chat wid frens n try cheer them up..
lots of them is facing problems gua but i have lose contact wid most people le..
i reli she bu de to offline in this night..
i m afraid i dun hav much time like this to enclose my relationship wid others le.

it is a silent night..
the dropping sound of rain is like a typing machine...
type out my emotion and feeling..
i think...
i reli duno how to love anyone yet.. XD
feel so sorry..
feel sorry to myself too...
SORRY~

My hp is vibrating lol

XD~ luckily my hp stil can functioning ehh..
no rosak jiu hao..
it have been used as alarm clock only recently..
but it rang le last night lol..
hmm... feel warm bout it.. miss it
what a sweet night!

thanks God!
thanks gal..

My heart.. My life

Hmm.. i have lots of memory flash back in my mind recently..
Pimples "jump out" from my skin cause i sleep in late night too.. =.=
i was having conversation with my heart mostly..
my hp can no more entertain me or fill my life with cheers now..
but i feel lucky since i have God to give me comfort all along..
though i still greed for other companion in other time...
well... i reli have thousand tone of questions in my heart..
so much...
有时我会不禁回想，
为何，我会一个人在走我的人生。。
为何，曾经的知己都会离我而去。。
这让我觉得自己好有问题。。
也让我失去那自然的信心。。
并不好受。。
面对爱情，
我，始终如此固执己选。。。。
而我不明白，
谈恋爱的目标是什么？
我还以为，都是为了更了解，接受彼此。。
原来，爱也可自我设限。。
但或许，这会是我老掉牙时窃窃自喜的爱情故事。。。
它是如此的香甜，也带点甘苦。。
《完》。。。封闭的心 著
May God Bless You..
girl..

Jia You..

Don't mind bout those history..
Search for God!!
get closer to Him...
Amen...

Sourness

= (....
Why am i still greed for something tat is not belong to me anymore?!
Oh nononoooo~
I didn't see any hand around me...
except God.....
But, i m still feeling bad..
i am still greed about something in this world..


There is no light in the home...
i am standing still,
watching a scene of loneliness,
i am turning back,
looking on the stars with tears in heart,
i am in a sorrow,
waiting for the concern from others,
i am in a night,
walking the journey all alone....

Could u hear my voice?
Could u?
i beg u can't..
I can't too..
4 months...

LONELINESS
_ _ _
-(.0.0,)-
<:___:>

Give me a cup of water,
so i can make a coffee for you..
Give me a breath of air,
so that i know you are aside..
Give me a glass of wine,
if i can only dream for these.......

Attending the funeral for the first time!

i went for duan3 xun4 this morning=)
morning we have to attend a wedding..
then afternoon...
have to attend a funeral n help as wat we can..
first time to see a dead body without soul..
i duno how to describe the feeling..
i jz can say the things in this world r reli not lasting eternal..
except the love from God..
So dun be struggling for those things which r not meaningful..
live a healthy life to help others and love others..
like how God love us..
i feel lucky cause i stil alive...
still can miss someone....

Keep going with GOD!

Just get Second Runner up in the Imperial Cup lion dance competition in 2009..
Thanks for those frens in church who pray for me...
who wished me..
i appreciate it..
but mayb i stil replying cold..
sorry ya.. not in mood yet..
cause was bothering by something hehe >.<..
anyway.. I hope i can be keep going even further with God..
and then influence the person around me...
to accept this saviour!
Amen...


There is something better to lock in heart..
There is someone i still put in heart too.....
as time go by...