My youth, my life

youth is the time when u shud ve high spirit, n now u lack of spirit till tis level.
u wanna wait till when 2 enjoy da high spirit? when u r using tongkat?
tat time u ll more down than now, cz u ll realize tat u ve WASTED your time over useless things...

u r being controlled so much by ur own feeling..
u do wad ur feeling asks u 2 do.

is time 2 wake up lo jai..

Argh..........

Love

Love is easy but never easy.
Love is simple but never simple.
I am awake but duno wat i am expressing..

I found lots of love in Ch concert 2010..
I found mine too..

Past? Currently? Future?
????

Congratulation

Congratulate to all students, teachers as well as senior involved in CH school concert 2010!
Bravo! Well Done! Adorable! Big claps for you all!

Sorry for ever looking down on come of you as well as this year concert.
Thanks for proving out the standard of you all as well as the effort.

CH concert 2010 didn't disappoint me!
I saw the improvement, mayb not much, but is encouraging..
Proud..

I really love CH concert.
Too much memories in my past are related to CH concert..
Sweet, Sad, Pain, Sour, Tears, Too much.......

however, i should learn to put down..
For lot of things, including CH concert.

Ch concert 2010...
see you..
i duno i still can see you on the next year or not,
i duno who am i the next year i see you,
i duno who ll be my side the next year..

But i know, i have to learn to live in silent too..

Thanks God for helping me go through all these while when i m down.
It past oled..
The tough moment have gone..
=')

Argh!!

I have dream of something i should forget since last year.
It keep influence me recently..
Haiz, i don't want to see you anymore.. T_T
See too much, think too much, dream too much, disappointed too much..

How could i dare to put any hope in this again?
How could i really put down this?
I am doing stupid act again.
I should not spend too much time on this.
The feeling isn't good.
Do i only can smile in forced when meet with this kind of thing?

I want to overcome it, all the time!
but i choose to run away for it most of the time,
i am very afraid to recall back the past again like today.

However, jia you oh jai..
you can be happy too de,
maybe that thing u wan't doesn't suit you?
Zzz maybe...
But no point to hurt myself anymore after others right?
=)
A Smile with hidden feeling....

God! please help me! PLZ!

I am having nightmares up to 15 times in March..
I am v scare of nightmare.
The nightmares of mine were too real and make me exhausted.
I dreamed to be chased, murdered, betrayed, cheated...
I have facing this problem after i come to secondary school.
But things come worse n worse in this month..
I nt dare to sleep early every night.
I am scare to having anymore nightmare.
I am a coward, with loneliness and stress..

Plz help me, God

A Short Burst of Depressant

i went to concert rehearsal today.
I felt super stress, imbalance, and depress in my heart.

I ask myself,
who can come in my heart and comfort my soul..
I can answer the name of no one, except God..
i pray for times.
I am hungry for His guidance.

I remember it is around 5 pm.
I cried.
I listened to the speech given by Mr Chen Qi.
He mention about the bonding among each other like a family.
I was alone in a secret base that time.
I cant last anymore longer when i have some conservation with Moses.
Thanks Moses..
I can't release my feeling for times..
Thanks God i manage to release SOME..

I am really suffering.
Really.

Things keep challenging me as well as my feeling.
I experience lots of tough war in my heart..
Who know..
Who care..
Who can help me..

My soul was burst in FLAME when worked with Logistic heroes afterward.
I would like to call them as heroes, as i know how hard n suffering they may face.
I walk through it.
I manage to enjoy the cooperation and feeling of gaining victory 1 by 1..
They manage to solve lots of problem at last.

Who can work with me?
Who is willing to walk through his or her life with me?
Who can let me feel safe to hand over my sincerity and true heart.

My heart ever been broke in by some people.
But at last, most of them act nothing but a robber.
Sorry for such description.
My heart, have lost its important element.
Its structure, can hardly to recover.
Now, still the same..

God, thanks God i still can call for Your name when i am really alone, helpless..
Please bless me as well as those involve in ch school concert..
May them have a nice experience..

Depressant

I went to school yesterday for stuff of transferring as well as observe the preparation of concert.
Well, the info i had gathered about the school concert doesn't seem encouraging,
i am feeling bad.
The matter of further study was quite troublesome to me,
thanks God it didn't pull me down.

However, i am really disappoint and yet angry.
I am very disappoint with the ATTITUDE of juniors,
i felt sad for some of them too, especially those who are the main committee.
I am having headache,
i can't sleep for 2 hours on the bed last night,
my brain almost getting burst.

I don't feel good.
Especially when the experienced adviser don't recognize me as a adviser to help too.
I am feeling helpless,
i am wondering the rich limit of mine in the concert.

I was thinking of the ways to improve the quality of school concert last night.
It gonna make me mad..
Thanks God i manage to fall asleep last night.
I didn't expect it.

God, plz take over my depressant,
give me the concentration on You..
=(

Books!

I had finish reading the 2 books i borrowed.
I feel great.
1 of the book is english learning.
Another is to understand more about own.

I just more clear about myself now.
I am the one who have unhealthy self image.
Ya i admit it.
May God lead me walk through my growing stage.

Thanks Xiao Hong for borrow me a english story book.
Never know that such story book can be so fantastic.
hehe i like to read it.

20.03.2010

It is the day of war.
It is the day of believe.
It is the day of spreading the love.
It is the melody.

It is not rare to find a touching melody.
But is rare to find a living melody.

I prayed before the gospel ceremony start.
I would like to call it like that instead of a concert.
I prayed for His strength,
So that He can fulfill our life,
use our voice for gospel spreading.

I don't know how is the respond at last.
I don't know about the Will of Him too.
But i am more sure,
this event have become 1 of the witness in my life.
The witnesses of life in praising.

My voice is lying in ICU currently.
May God bless me,
Thanks for this gift as a reminder.
Remind me of everything i learn in the camp,
no matter in the way of music of gospel.
Thanks God.

May Praising Non-stop, Amen..

How could i understand your prints?

My Lord,
i feel good when i can praise you sincerely,
i feel good when i can experience your love,
through guidance, brothers and sisters in church.

I am exhausting throughout the 3rd Eastern Malaysia Church's Choir Practice,
but i am full,
but i am positive,
now.

"Happiness is a choice, not a chance. You decided on it, need not wait for it to happen by chance."

I saw the phrase above from my kor- Henry's personal message in msn.

I may cant fully agree with it,
cause i cant make it out for now.

However, i believe the faith and morale of ones can influence his happiness.
Happiness only seem far away when he has misunderstand or mistaken in these.

But, i would more prefer to pleasure in life if compare to happiness.
I would like to concern more about the pleasure in life through the love.
Jesus is the love,
One can be enriching when his soul is equip with love.

Happiness do not last long,
is not fully beneficial,
sometime.
Playing game bring happiness too, but it is not v pleasant in love.

Lastly,
I choose to let myself to be happy,
surely the pleasure of life too.

But, i am the one who like to zhuan1 niu2 jiao3 jian1.
I didn't noticed about it most of the time too.
I don't even can come out from the cage by myself.

Maybe,
it is the pros of lacking of healthy self image.

Lost

I am getting lost while writing this post.
I just wish to pass a message to myself,
"I am lost!"

It is even miserable since i can hardly notice it.

My lord,
plz guide me still,
I'm getting lost from your path,
You know me the most,
You know me better than i'm,
You are the knowledge.

My lord,
i need you,
i am afraid actually,
i guess i haven't prepare for something,
seem like i am running away from certain devotion or responsibility.

My lord,
how could i hide from you?
You are everywhere,
plz
plz
plz help me...

14/03/2010

Happy birthday, Kwong Xing..
Thanks God i can meet you up in your birthday celebration.
We were losing contact of each other.
It have been a long period after SPM.
But i feel appreciate that we still can have chance for a date.

Thanks God that i can celebrate your birthday with you.
Thanks God that you are a christian.
I just knew it.
Thanks, i ll pray for your growth in your soul as well as life.
Feel free to find me for anything ya.
=)

Cry, instead of acting calm

I am not a tough guy,
but i don't wanna to be a loser too.
We are all learning in the different phase of life.
I am always wanna be stronger,
i believe some of you do too.

I am learning to listen.
Thanks God i am able to listen with concentration at certain time,
i listened to few voices,
i listened to my voices as well,
But, i can't listen to those tears in heart, mine as well.
Sometime, cry is necessary.
Sometime, we just can't cry out our feeling.
Sometime, our body are away from our soul.

The world we are staying now are too fake.
we might being fake at anytime.
Things turn worse when you being fake to your heart.

Listen,
Listen to the right voice.
Is the voice live in your heart?
Or have you been away from your heart by entertainment or "pride" in this world?

We are feeling good after express our love to each other,
We are feeling depress when we don't know how to express our love as well as let others understand..
It is the same too when we cry and we don't..

Be grateful when there is friend who concern on your soul all along your life,
Be thankful when there is friend who concern on your benefit all along your life,
Be careful if there is only entertainment in your friendship.

Pray,
Pray for the strength from God,
Without thy, without me..

Thanks God!!

I am so grateful today for the guidance from god!
Thanks to Mr Lucas for dated me too.
Thanks again for the reassure.
Well, it is another process in my life,
i have walked through some little parts,
congratulates to u, jai..
keep it up!

My mum is having sourness n pain in arm today,
i felt bit sad,
i manage to 'urut' for her,
glad tat it help a bit.
=)

Ling Jai Seng,
is now on his journey,
to figure out himself again,
God, is the most important role for him..

=(

Something,
eating my heart up...

No1 can figure out what it is,
God, save me...

First warning!

You have been fail in your plan..
Wake up and make difference man!

Dont let difference beat you up!!
God,
i m, sorry...
please help me..
refresh my soul..

What have you done in the holiday?

Well, i overuse my body,
i didn't take care of myself,
i didn't really have my responsibility in actions too..
I am wasting the time..
Well, it is no point to blame myself only all these time..
I'll have try to make out some improvement.


1st task- I want to have my passion in spreading gospel back once again!In order to make it out, i hava to enclose my relationship with God as well as understanding in bible.

2nd task - I wish to improve my love. Giving can always be unlimited but we should always satisfy with receiving. Be grateful and positive thinking can help me to love people in better way.
I need to pray to God for love from Him, in order to love others.

3rd task - I wish to manage my time properly as well as live a healthy life. I just have to live out a life which is favorite to God. It may takes my whole long life to witness for this.

4th task - I want to have a habit of reading.
A person who like to reads and know which book to read are man who is intelligent usually
XD.. i have no offence, im just encouraging reading.
I know reading is good, so i have to put in action.


PLEASE guide me and follow up with me from time to time to help me.
Thanks and grateful for the concern from you.. =)

Feeling uncomfortable

I m having unknown stress recently,
i am not sure what is it about!
Im feeling bad.
However, i would admit that this process in necessary in my life,
i can bring in these experiences to another case of others and help them..
It is good.
I just stressed out.
jia you!

Misty and Dusty

My nose is feeling not well after i have my short time of exercise at outdoor.
I don't want to gasp for such air if i have other choice.

this is the ONLY air we have,
please cherish and protect it from being polluted!
Thanks

03.03.2010

Happy birthday to Whye Tchien,
a buddy who accompany me to have my life in secondary school,
though short but is meaningful.

Happy birthday to my elder brother too,
the closest family member to me,
though not v close but is the better one.

I am wearing panda's glasses while typing this post now.
I went to whye tchien's house last night to attend his birthday party around 10pm.
I have a great gathering with my buddies!
I am feeling good and natural with you all although i have been lost contact with some of you..
Thanks God we still can interact well..
Thanks God some of you still welcome me as your fren though we owes have different opinion and view.. HEHE, i ll be there for you too when i m available!

It was 1 am when i back to my home..
I was tiring.
Things come worse because i m lack of a proper sleep these few days!
I was having 2 terrible nightmare ytd,
1 in morning 1 in afternoon.
I "impressed" myself so much lol!
I have been haunted and disturbed by nightmare all these time,
Thoso scenes were too real for me.
I am getting exhausted and non-energetic after these.
I may having stresses in my heart.
I should express them out of my heart in better way.
May God help me in these!
I may lost and i may get down,
I need Your guidance all in my life,
My God, please nourish my soul..
Something must be parasite in my heart again..
It is not good for health..
>.<..
I need a healthy mind and body to serve you, My lord...

Human's nature

What is one thing that Jai Seng is a natural at?

praying? lol


I copied the question above from my fb account.
Well i am. I am natural at praying.
Thanks to that friend, Rc to give me a chance to think about a simple philosophy.

So, here is my question.
Is human natural at praying?

I believe we are!

Making wish is a part of praying too.
Therefore, we shall conclude that making a birthday wish is a part of praying too!

Nevertheless,
Wishing the other people also a part o praying.
So, we shall conclude " I wish you all the best!" is a part of praying too!

The difference between wishing and praying is..
The presence of the One who listened and have the ability to make ACCEPTABLE WISHES go true.

So, which do u think is more powerful?
Wishing or Praying?

If your answer is wishing,
then who is the one do you have faith to help you out?

If your answer is praying,
then are you sure you are praying to the right One?

There are little comments from me,
As a human, i have more confidence in praying when i know who am i asking for help, but not air!
Furthermore, I have much more confidence in my praying when i know the One i asking for help is the RIGHT ONE !

Lastly, figure out the One who should we target in praying is very important..

Thanks for telling me, though i am disagree with you!

I just knew that i consider as go out for too much of time in my parent's eyes.
Friends' gathering and church activities seem unreachable for me.
I don't like this kind of unacceptable education!
I don't want to face with computer, tv and sleep all the time at home!
I want to do something else..
I want to go through more stuff and interaction.

I can't make it out at home..
I wish i can make it, but i don't think now is the time..
I am too lazy at home, i don't like it actually.

Haiz, just heard the discussion among my elder brother with mum,
My bro had did so well,
he still can continue his discussion in patient and polite though mum was not using a better tone in the process.. She even misunderstand what he was trying to say!
Well, my brother ever told me before that he wish he can be patient to talk with mum with God's help.
I saw it!
thanks God
hehe i don't have that confidence i can be such polite in that situation also.

Well, i am outgoing though i am shy and prefer to stay alone in certain time,
i really don't feel good when my freedom is limited and locked,
i just wish to train myself through the situation i may face outside the home..
But i won't get mad, just quite disappoint.
I will take this incident as a thing to learn too..
I have to be more patient and learn to forgive..
May God lead me,
so i really can live out my religion..