The 1st step to achieve my dream..

Wow...
jz went to church ytd..
i hav skip it for 3 years lik tat ler..
finally determined to go to church even i was tire..
feel good lo..
i meet kevin ling there..
my close fren when i was stil in primary school..
we seldom chat together lo although until now we stil in te same school..
he invited me to work as part time waiter at boulevard restaurant lo..
i accept it!
haha i hav been wishing for it for long time le..
jz owes no 1 pei..
thx god for arrange tis for me..

tat afternoon,
i out wid mr.lucas for 1 more time lo..
we chat again..
he analysis alot of things for me too..
i m happy i m now in te process to understand n accept myself more..
i can feel it..
i m having some little changes in myself..
thx god for leading me..
and welcome me to back to YOU...


Tat evening, i folo kevin's car go work lo..
he go fetch his gf too XD haha..
so sweet they are..
Guan1 Qiang2 oso work there eh..
hehe..
i feel happy lo although tiring..

i experience alot of things..
i kno something mayb unfair too..
but te most important thing is i ever put effort..
tats te most precious process...
there are some v ngiao n dulan de things in my mind la..
and oso something i wry too..
but it is ok..
i stil young hehe..
after few years..
i kno i ll b different.


Skip for school today lo..
reli tiring ba...
sleep whole morning n afternoon..
but manage to study bit at night la..
hmm..
will go n work again gua if hav chance..
i wan to earn money to cut down te beban of family..
need earn for tuition fee hehe..
wow...
dad back today..
once again..
i reli feel tat tis home ll never b quiet if dad is around.
not bcz he talk alot o v cheerful..
is bcz he is here wid us..
1 ayat sahaja to care me o talk wid me..
can make me feel tis family is complete oled..
haha
thx GOD...
hehe so love u...

Kelian ah..

Pity human...
owes trapped by challenges n emotion..
Dear god..
i ll pray so tat YOU can save us..
save those who important for me..
keep them safe, healthy, and able to overcome evry encounter of life..
help those who need help..
save those who wish to be saved..
and i ll pray so tat they can hav chance to listen to ur words..
Dear god,
i wish to be saved actually..
save me plz..
help me plz..
when i refer to you..
plz show ur love on poor me..
cz i need u n i believe in u.....
in te name of god..
i pray..
amen..

Hmm...

waaa...
i m tire...
><...
haiz....
god god god...

Happy day..

Te reason..
is in my heart..
thx god for listen to me..hehe

Jy.. birthday gal

Happy birthday to u,
Happy birthday to u,
Happy birthday to Mavis~
Happy birthday to u....

Thx ya my only lord...Jesus..

Thx thx thx...
u comfort my soul..
u give me peace..
u show me te direction...
although i m not complete...
u r stil forgive me for times...
u give me te chance to live as u..
u show me where te happiness is..
ur song shud b sing by me every moment..
ur words shud i bear in mind every day..
plz occupy my heart..
take us wid u...

now, i ll ask for a dream to come true..
i wish to be a humble n loyal christian..
so tat i wun fall down cz of te challenges..
u ll be wid us..
ur words make us strong..
ur world owes ready for us..
plz guide us..
so tat we owes folllow ur road too...
i m sry tat i not a good person tat u ll like yet..
teach me te methods to love u..
may u giv us some confidence..


JESUS...
love you all!

THX God!

I m happy,
i manage to spend sometime talk wid Mr. Lucas today...
He is helpful n caring
as usual haha....
in te name of te God,
he show te way to me..
we chat together at te starbucks locate at miri airport..
well..
i m appreciate tat he help me to sort out my messy mind..
tats great.
i kno wat shud i do now n wat shud i hav in my mind..
thx god...
i love u...
hug me close..
so tat i can live in ur way

20.09.2009

Wow... jz wake...
was enjoying yesterday outgoing wid frens..
it was te ex logistic prefects gathering..
i was joining them too loo..
going bbq at tanjung around 7...
it was a cool raining day..
enjoy te big wind..
te coldness whic could blow away my messy mind.

We going mariott hotel to swim, sauna...
then go eat at kfc again...
and stay in te room watch football league afterward..
at least i m not lonely haha...
i back around 1.30am lo...
mum x let me overnight ba haha...

ytd saw kah khing was doing wid some special stuff..
make my heart sour xia haha...
but suan le ba..
let it be..
i ll be lead by te destiny...
jz nid b fan4 kai1 le...

*
If u reli gonna leave from my world...
please x take away my heart..
nth last forever
unless te time stop...
and now,
te time is moving...
our memories is jz memories...
which may hav different meaning
for u..
for me......

How many days oled huh?

Today,
is a rainy day..
but i think, te rainy weather is not as cold as my heart...
the cloud, surely not as much as te question there are in my mind...

i wish for some guide..
to lead me go ahead....
i m now losing my previous feel of believing...
days by days..
it gonna kill me...
how pity is tis boy...
he shud learn to be more siao sa...
to put down everything..
although there are tones of question n she bu de..

"Man, cheer up man..."
"jy jy"
u stil nid continue your life...
and u nid 2 prepare if u cant forget her...
learn to be more silent against something...
i duno how 2 help u..
jz...
i x wan c u lik tis too...
>.<

ARRR

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thx blogger...
i reli duno wat shud i do if u r not invented..
thx.......................................

haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

dbfkdbfisdfbiusbgskgbsdkjgbsdkigbsgkbsgbgsjbgskdgsidgbksdbgmvbxcmvbcvkgbgbkgbgvbmvbxvmxbvslgbsjbgsgbskgbmbvmxbvhfdjhkfbkabfbxvmbxvsbgskbgmgbgsgblgbkgsfbffbvxkvnbvkdvbskvbsvbkdsbmnbvmcxbvsjkdfhsryhiryfirfishfisbvbjvbivbsdvibvbvbdshgiurrfheibfbfbfbdfjbifbefifbsfbvbjvbdkabkabvlbvlasbvjbjvibrurbiubfjvbkbvhvbggogrigrurtpfdfbdkjbkvbkvbvmkbvkdvbjdkbvui

T_T...

Haiz...
Just had a dream tis morning..
well it is bout some1 important to me...
but now we hav been less talk oled...

i think i ll v happy if i dream dao her b4..
but now..
duno wat to do n wat shud i feel le..
shud b feel happy.. but once think of te situation now,
str8 down le..
ishhh.......

tis morning jz met her outside te school...
but i was not wake up fully yet tat time..
and stil haunted by my feeling..
i was cold in words...
but now i reli scare le lo...
not dare c dao her n talk wid her..
tat situation gonna kill me since we hav no topic...

erm..
i wan to say sry actually la..
there hav been a period i less smile n no much face expression de..
mayb u tot tat i fu yan u o dun lik u le..
sry la..
mayb bcz of tis so u oso x feel to talk much wid me le..
whic lead to no topic at o...


Dear jesus..
may u bless my day in your love..
so tat i can hav my emotion n mind stay in ur way...
amen..

Tiring... cacat...

Both my hands...
so pain after went to te gym last sat..
now... pressing keyboard oso so slow...
take my cup of water oso nid use my other hand help 2 lift up..
haiz...

today....
suan le ba...
keep giving myself courage to believe tat we can hav topic 'MAYBE after break..
who kno...
suan le ba...
jz a noon.. oled disappointed for 4-5 times like tat...
i reli x wan to disappointed anymore..
rao2 le4 wo3...
plz...
haiz... jz do wat u wan for tis period la....
i jz....
wan find a night to go out wid some1...
pei me c stars....
but most probably not u............
it cant be le....
it ll b o te silent tat time.........
jz left te sound of night!

Fren..

There are some person who are important in my life...
some of them mayb stil remain as fren, cz they are male..
one become my kor..

and u...
when i found tat i love u..
i tot it is everything...
until u x feel to continue anymore..
i reli duno wat shud i do...
i reli hope u can make ur decision wid me..
including me in ur daily life..
n share wid me...
but hard gua haha...
i m too greedy...
feel lik i m useless...
haiz...

if we become fren again..
wil those problem been solved?
will te problems occur in love relationship wun appear anymore if we are fren?
i scare..
dun wan break de lo...
but cant force u...
plus spm is near le..

i x wan lose u lo..
if i become fren...
my position in ur heart oso wun same as or better than wen yi them gua..
owes is jz i questioning..
talking to myself...
haiz..
answer...?
no1 answer me...
u mean fren..
but how fren u ll be wid me.?
how much will u lik me n care bout me?
will u show out n make it as action tat i need?
will u zhu dong care me?
msg me?

i kno u stil my fren..
jz i feel lik losing something to hold..
feel lik wandering in te world..
is it beacause u x wan pakto yet?
is it because u not enuf time to spend on pakto?
i have many question..
plz talk to me more actively..
let me express out o of these..
i reli dun hope my heart ll b closed...
i x wan to suffer o of these alone...

mavis..
do u hear me?
i wish u wun giv up on me tat easily..
hopefully u kno wat i think in my heart..
and can comfort me by solving my question........

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY


TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

it is another blue night...
when i m alone..
jiu shi tat hungry of love...
haizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

i reli dun wan being disappointed anymore...
i oled x believe in everlasting le..
plz x show betrayal...
no fake promise plz
x simply promise too
do promise me bout these....
lastly...
i m alone..
alone is not v qi cham..

jz i feel lik u x let me grab dao..
tats y i now jz lik a weak paper...
blow around by te wing
by those challenges in life...

GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

i feel to cry...
can u find me a shoulder????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????/

Ignore this!

ARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARRARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARRARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARAR

ARGH, some1 plz hold me tight..
wanna cry, but cant...
wanna shout, but cant...
why i dun express it?!!!!!!!!!!!

jai,
tears not mean u lose...
not mean u r weak...
wake up plz...

i spend my time wid fren,
i try to make my timetable to be full...
but all of it is useless...
every1 stil nid to face wid loneliness..
and yet i dun wan to lose..
stil struggling...
but fail..

heart is in half closed situation now..
should not open it tat much de..
mayb...
L**E in couple is something tat not belong to me...

jai ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahaahaahahahahahaaahha
i love uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
more than others........................................
so be strong k?
u gt mememememememememememememememememememeememememememememeememeemmeme.......
other ple oso ever go through such things la....
u oso not te 1st time de le!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTt


GOD....
show me te path...
tell me,
who shud i rely on...
who shud i believe..
who wun leave..........me.......
who can grab me.....

plz appear around me...
something plz occupied my heart...

End lorrh!!!

hmmm..
our story end finally..
wish it ll bring to another good starting lo..
although te percentage mayb is 0%..

gal,
it doesnt matter wat relatioship it is between us..
it is te matter of heart..
if i m not important to u...
i think tat is so called "fren"..
if u reli take me as some1 important to u n appreciated..
i wish to c te effort n heart...
jz lik how u may think dao wen yi, kah how them in ur daily life...
whenever u feel to find some1 to talk, u may find me..

it mayb good for us if it end lik tis..
since feel lik u not reli lik me than before ( while we stil are fren)

anyway...
u hav ur choice..
u hav ur freedom to do anything whic not against te law..
u can jz fu yan me or jz take me as "good fren"
if u feel lik it is ok or not important to u..

in te name of God,
i ll pray....
friendship forever...
amen....

God DAMN...

Zzzz was fall asleep in te bus tis morning..
almost skip for te school le..
luckily was wake by some1..
phew..
=.=

was not paying concentration in daily life recently..
walking on plane oso can almost fall down..
hmm,
God, i love you..
dun leave me ya..
lol!!!

Thx god.. keep me going plz..

Phew, i feel like "saved" tis few day!
thx kor,
my frenz n especially kwong xing n kevin who did spend quite a good time together wid me=)
Thx for accompany me,
helping me..
help me to clear my mind,
play basketball n big bomb together..
( forgive me 4 not playing well, haiz =( i hav tui4 bu4 seriously)
haha..
i ever hav chance to go some1's house to study
it is a golden chance n it benefit me!
nevr go some1 house to study n chat lik tat..
i went kwong xing's house..
yuan lai it is much happier n useful than study alone..
which i seldom can hav it..
i share wid him my feeling n worries too...
i spend almost a whole day outside n wid fren..
tat night,
we go kevin's house to watch movie...
wid some other good fren,
alvin, ben, paul, vincent ling n joanne...
we manage to hav fun..
big bomb n play in te room.. jiolai jio qu..
then having some small party..
watch movie as well as concert DVD..
it was memorable somehow..
it reminded me of the past
te time when o of us were busy of concert preparation..
practicing drama..
te time i can c Mavis owes n almost everyday,
close to her, c her smile,
trying to help her even may over my limit...
i kno she hav gastric,
i c her stressed, tiring...
i gave more time for her to rest n trying to let her kno tat,
i owes supporting n wid her.....
i can put effort to her,
n let her smile..
whic giving me alot of support n grateful...
although tat time she not gf to me yet..
but is gud fren i think..
tat is te sweet moment for me..
whic i can c her smile..
i can make she smile sometime!!
how much important it is n memorable for me..
tat night, i stay until 11 something then back..
it was 12 once i reach home..
it was tiring...
but tat day is so meaningful,
i din waste time by playing computer too often..
i study n enjoy my time spend wid my fren
but not alone in front computer...

Hmmm... SPM period is in the corner..
i hope i can stil hav some1 who can accompany me study..
urge me n slap me when i waste time lol..
study alone make me feel tire..
no matter how,
i ll keep myself gambateh de..
although now i dun kno wat course to take in future
since i may giv up on hotel management tis course cz i jz wan to stay in local to work..
my family n memories are here..
it can hardly happen if i choose hotel management,
cz i ll wan to expand until work at other country
since te fa1 zhang3 in malaysia is limited...
mayb be a mechanic? teacher? or go any technical scu to study? ( my mum ask de)
=.=

Lastly,
wish tat those who r important 4 me can smile owes..
be happy..
=)..
i love u

DAMN!

ZZZZ..
i dont want to hav such nightmare anymore=.=
shao....
so realistic even in te dream...
thx for betray n offend me 1st before i can do so!
argh......................................

Cheer up!!

Man, mayb now u cant..
but cheer up..
try 2 practicing it..
mayb u can do it IN THE FUTURE........

Dun feel upset anymore..
te time u wasted would never come back..
they dou dun wan u le n throw u alone..
y u stil so degil cant leave them?

=(
='(
T_T
.=.=,

Tiring... i wish i can go further

Gambateh..!
work harder to put in ur effort..
the process is more useful than te result..
try to put down ur stress..
Man u can do it..
i support u!!
jy jaiseng,
never leaving u suffer alone....