holiday....soon!!! lol!

hmm, regardless of how terrible this sem seem to be to me.. it gonna end soon!

still have another 3 papers left..

Well, come to think of it..
time flies, people is aging..
thanks God i'm stil living..

LOL!!! have no idea of wat tis post is about..

Please spend sometime to pray for me

Hmm, i had just realize i have been walking in the spiritual dessert since last year,,
Same as the Israel, I harden my heart, to ignore His sound, but chase over flesh..

Am i weak?
if spiritual maturity and strength is define by number of sin, i am perhaps a weak one.
But surely He don't define like that..
He observe hearts..

Oh God,
sry that i always have 2 Gods inside my heart..
Although i knowing the root of flesh and sin, i still chase over them..
please help me...
i am helpless by my own..

The process is pain..
I got to face with the mess i did..
I am in credit to God..
Oh Father. Please give me the strength to walk firmly in You,
release me from condemnation...

Teach me how to love my family and You...
so that You can root in me too..

Im longing for healing from You..

Response to "Courageous"

I came up with the resolution of "relationship improving" to people around me starting of June.

Well, i thank God for how He lead me incredibly in this aspect since the moment i made up my mind..

The other resolution is to be responsible to myself, especially in my study and future career as a teacher...

Hmm, well, im still capturing and welcoming any picture that God want to put in my mind regarding this matter.. 

Knowledge is vital, but without wisdom it is jz a weapon without a appropriate user..

The month i put lot of effort in study, until I am part blinded, this came to my mind..

I was acting like the machine, to receive formula and format..

I had forget the root purpose of my life, 

Him, the reason..

Thanks God, bro Nic (pastor of HIM Kota Bharu) preached about "Courageous" this topic last Fri and  i have just finish watch the movie "Courageous" (a Christianity movie) too..

I have my own understanding and gaining despite the movie which emphasizing on father' role..

However, i want to be a courage warrior..

Despite discouragement,

Despite doubts,

Despite disappointment...

I lose temper and emotion easily,

and when i do,

hehe, i have no idea what to do too lol..

anyway,

Thanks God for once again,

use the little time tonight,

to put something in my mind,

since i can hardly open out myself for Him lately..

Tiring

Oh my, what a harsh days i have currently..
Camping, senamrobik...

Instead of enjoy the camping at pulau, im actually dislike outdoor activity.In-charging of the 1M1S1M senamrobik can barely drive me crazy n discouraged.

Well, cooperation is hard to achieve if there is no understanding..
Yet, i always wonder why is it hard to gain understanding among people of different races..

I don't mean to blame..
I kept on blame on education we had in Malaysia.
Not only the system, but the way the children being brain washed directly or indirectly..

Haiz, victims of education..


However, thanks God i still gt my cg members, which are still supportive and cheerful, though not all the time lol...
I feel released after have my dinner with them..

Well, God,
let me continue to believe and grow with tons of questions in my mind..
LEt the answer come at Your right timing..

Be courage, Be strong

Well, im glad tat i scored well in my 1st sem of degree..
3.91 is a remarkable result, but i do greed for better...

Result come from Investment..
When i do wan a good result, proportionally i would have to put in certain effort and invest enough time..
but somehow tat don't lead me to happiness, just simply satisfy.

For me,
achieving good things don't give the best damn happiness,
but sticking to the life goals and objectives..

Well,
It is my 1st year of degree..
I jz got the fire ignited..

The image in front the mirror

It have been another semester.

Once again, I am now at home,
transform it to a place where i fang4 zong4 myself, to play games, enjoy and being selfish =.=...
I used to stand in front that mirror..  Flashback... Flashback.......ssss

 I set up my mind to contact more often with my cherry frens in the start of 2012.
Well, things went more challenging than I though.
The world can offer u so much choices, yet u can actually drown in the choices..
I managed to pick up the most important things..
HOWEVER, not those frens i cherish, not the time i am away for study..
Bcz i have my family there which need me to pour water, fertilize them.. Have missions there..

"Though we less contact and interact, but the bonding is still there and precious right?"
 That is what appeared in my mind everytime I think of my frensss..
Sometimes, when i lost to emotion, I think that i'm selfish, for not contact them..then only appear in front of them whenever i'm available...
Well, the truth is actually not right..

Hmm, follow the Jesus Christ, always put me in the situation of choice making..
Sometime, when the "self-orientation" pop out, i jz want to scold "DAMNNNNNIT #$%^^"
It seem like God is torturing me, but somehow i have to recognize that it is a process of moulding..

Now, when i look at the image, though still gt plenty of aspects that can be improve..
But i believe its inner strength is growing..
God is shaping him..

 Father, i pray so that u give him a heart to love You.. A heart that willing to surrender everything to You...

Identity building

Somehow, having "childhood development" as 1 of my subject give me significant input. Understanding how an identity and personality build up let me knowing more about myself.. It reminded me of my previous interest in psychology field... haha, no1 knows the future road, though men plan alot.. anyway, God, I know You are in control, observing me, guiding me in right track... Continue to shape me up.. To humble myself, love you better..

Numbness

A life, in the numbness of feeling...
Miserable..

Heavenly or Earthly..

I just baptised in 5.2.2012..
hmm, well I had been reborned since 2009 actually, after a fall in relationship XD..
which i can never forget...

hmm, feel discouraged lately,
the more i commit to God,
i am more agree that following Jesus is hard, damn hard..
For times i stil doubting,
*(well, earthly things keep distracting my focus and belief)
BUT! i don't doubt bout the salvation given to me..

Just, i spend too less time for God..
TOo much have to be drain out, but less intake i take..

God,
if this is the life You had designed for me..
Let me walk through it with You..
asap XD
lol!!!

Just feeling blue once in a blue moon..

Time x stay static at a point... Well now then we may realize changes is unavoidable..

Positive change, negative change.. it differ among everyone.. The same thing, may good for A, but actually bad for B. It relate to perspective too..

There are changes which mould me to a better one, also changes which broke me like no way out.. Individual hav to change, to adapt to the society, environment, reality.. Well this may seem discourage.. But it is just a feeling..

Hmm, i just too like to stay in past.. Mayb, i shall stop to live in the past somemore, even it is just yesterday..

Container

I don't think i can perform well in elaborate "container" within 3 minutes by other time... However, by this time, i would like to have a try... To express what am i thinking about this container..

"Container is a non living thing which used to store things.. SO, each container may have different function alter by its size, shape and material... "

So, there is a question...
If i refer a container to a living organism, What would u understand about the living container by putting analogy above into this case?
----"...each container may have different function alter by its size, shape and material... "

I believe everyone have own special characteristic, though sometime ignore, blindfolded..
thats why every container is special..

A container can store your feeling, secret, privacy,
some better container can even share your problem..
But every container is different, hence not every container suit us..
Personally, sometimes i do face problem in owning a container(even jz for temporary) when back to hometown. Ya i believe most of the people may deal with this..
It is not easy to get a suitable container to put in those things u had prepare, store for so long...
But i thank God,
For He always be a faithful one to me..
Be my container as well..

God..
God.. God...

hmm, thank You for reminding me about container..
I had realize that myself should be a faithful container for You too..
All Your love, grace, words, just put them inside..
Teach me to be a faithful one..

Father,
i surrender myself..
For You to take over...
As a container of Yours...

First post in 2012

Just have my first gathering with friends who i cherish a lot last night..
For sure not everyone may mix again as natural as past.. but thanks God there is friends who act as a good medium to link people up..

Well, still feel to say this again.. I don't really connect to these friends when i am away from Miri.. but i do still miss them haha.. lol...

Hmm, this is gonna be a short cny holiday for me.. i may not meet with all the people i wish to..but what to do? These are just part of life..

I just learn to go on by God'grace..