Am i so special? If so why do i am afraid to be and admit it?

For God there is no coincidence,
I went for a counseling session just now.
It was a group counseling whereby there are 5 of us ( PJ coursemate )

The process and procedure are not much different as i can guess.
However, what gained my attention was the session to draw out your own strength and fitness..

*No leakage of the others's drawing of strengths and weaknesses would be made"

I was the 1st 1 to introduce my own strengths and weaknesses.
To be honest, i don't view myself as a person with much strength but more weaknesses.

In the drawing which i draw without much consideration and doubt,
i draw a cross with a heart, as well as some minor explanation..

I do,
I do believe that the relationship with God is everything.
I believe all my strengths and weaknesses are from God,
morever, for all of these are useless if i don't contribute it in the way God prefer it to be..

So,i didn't describe clearly my strengths and weaknesses in my drawing, but a cross with heart..

Which reflect my mind that,
I am nothing without God..
yet i can't do anything..
The anything i can do also would be nothing lastly..

I really be honest to myself in that time..

But i reli wonder again once i saw the others' drawing and heard the others' explanation..

They have much different opinion..

I have to admit 1 of my weakness here too.
I take time to accept the others as well as the things i dislike or disagree.

I can't conclude much for them..
I believe God have His own plan for me..

I pray for my growth,
please bless me to hav a close relationship with You, God..
I pray for my future,
If You agree to let me become a counsellor or hav the counsellor's skill to serve the people, please bless me and help me, lead me to the way..
I pray for those couples and singles today,
so that they could back to you.
Pray that less people commit suicide due to Breakage of Love..
In the name of Jesus, Amen..

Not more than words, yet not 1 could understand easily

I am now doing the thing i didn't do for months,
which is having my flashback with the sentimental song surround my mind...
>< I don't like to immerse myself in a blue, but i found that the feelings in the songs could understand me actually..

I am not special,
but sometime i am wonder whenever i seem like so "special"..

I knew i did the right things sometimes,
but sometime it was not in the eyes of others..

I knew the complex spiritual problem which can makes me down most severely,
but sometime it was not easy to have others understand why i am like this......

Silence,
is hard to understand, but not hard to notice

Words,
is not hard to notice, but hard to understand

I used to back to God for His greatest love, care and comfort,
but i have fall lately..
i have fall lately..

农历新年

很幸运的，
上帝给了我这个机会回来美里庆祝新年。

其实，
我并不在乎有否庆祝，
只是家人是我最大考量的因素。

在机票上就花费RM1000左右，
并不是我向往的作风。。。

或许，
我可以用这笔钱，
去 EXPLORE 西马，
去 捐款，
去 买些会帮助我在外生活的用品。。。

花费在机票上，
心也会淌着血的 TT 。。。

在家里也没帮上什么忙，
就做些自己的事情。。。

在乎什么，
执着什么，
有时真搞不懂。。。

离了祢，
我还能做什么。。。

主阿，
恳求祢怜悯我，
教我懂的了解与施行爱。。。

没有祢，
没有爱，
没有意义。。。

新年又怎么快乐呢？

Hidden feeling

I myself doubt my love to my family..

I myself aiming for things but not for family..

I myself know i owe them a lot..

But

I myself didn't practise to love them..

I myself didn't spend much time to think for them here..

I myself didn't care about what happen at home when i am away..

I myself don't bother if i lose contact with family!!!

Sharing need practise..
While it has been a long time i didn't share through blog..
Things really come by groups,
somehow i can't share every single 1 here too...

My God,
thank you for let me still have this little bit of guilty and knowing that i m a bad son..
please lead me to the path i should...
if i really don't appreciate things and people around,
please let me go through lessons,
and if endanger in death could help,
please ready myself for it too..
Amen..

第八届绿洲毕业营 21-23/12/2010

在美里的这段假期里,
我原本是觉得毫无生气的,
一想到假期的短暂和太多想完成的事就显得忧虑.
现在回想就满滑稽的,
我还那么年青,
却比上年纪的长辈还怕有未了的心愿...

感谢绿洲的开放,
我可以在这第八届的毕业营里当义工.
事实上,我并没尽力与本分去做,
甚至还有想忙里偷闲的念头.

这次持有义工的身分参加营会,我仍旧获益不浅
我在另一个层面体会到所谓"热忱的义工"并不是个想帮助人的念头罢了就可以做到的,
而需要生命的感染.

认识了不少的人,
也从他们身上学到不少,
大家彼此分享,
坦然以对,
自己也很享受在这个家庭中...

营会的内容,
也仍然可勾起去年身为参加者的回忆与领悟,
自己在从新审察自己的当儿,
也发现了自己在到外读书后的奇妙改变...

我很向往这样的营会及生活,
三天的时间虽不长,
我却觉得好有意义.

明年,
我还要当义工,
学习如何做得更好!

为义工的学习路程祷告! =D




*与16位参加者的大合照*

归属

离开了5个月,
终于回到了美里...
这还是我第一次能独自离家生活,

5个月...
其实可以有很多改变..
我真的很感谢神,
让我渐渐与师训的朋友变得更亲密.
事实上,
我是个爱钻牛角尖的人,
可是至少那儿的朋友都很亲切的接受,
我很开心,
特别是在槟城之旅,
甚至是各自回家时,
心里是满满的不舍...

在飞机里,
我其实很矛盾,
我开始在思考到底哪里是我的归属,
我对答案并没那么有信心...

是semenanjung Malaysia?是美里?
我很容易受影响,
哪里需要且重视我,那里就有可能是个归属...

现在,
只希望我能够定睛在神的身上,
依着活着的目的,
有意义的活着,
活出神喜悦的生活....
至少,神是 我们的归属...

The end of the First sem in IPG..

After few more hours,
i would have to move into the big hall for the last exam paper,
which i could tell that i didn't prepare for it.
It is because the covered topics are too wide, and yet i don't know what is it about lol!!
Hopefully can pass XD...

I ran from a COMPULSORY "gathering" in my hostel.
It start at 2 am and suppose it won't end within 2 hours.
I escape..
Due to some reasons,
i ran...

I would move to penang for a trip after tomorrow.
I am wonder about it. =D
I do miss Miri too, but somehow need time to adapt back if i back Miri..
I need sometime to ignore those gaps i ever have.

Friend's gathering is coming soon huh..=D
Miss Kevin, Choon Man, Rong Cheng, Duan Xun Friends, Church, Lv Zhou, and more...
haha but i know i cant over expect for everythings...
I have to learn to appreciate first..

Thanks God,
it is the end of 1st sem v v v soon.
Please lead me for the rest of my life too..
Amen..