For the FIRST time, my eyes don't get dry in flight... t

Is it more people cry at airport today? Or just I never pay attention to them?

One thing for sure, people were crying for me today...

How can a farewell be done well?
It is harder for those who are shy, who just don't do the straight-forward style.
Am i considered one? hmm..

Time slipped, it is finally the time to enter the departure hall, which may become the last...
No one have prepared for it.
Being helpless, some short of words, some burst in tears, some even lost their soul...

Einstein said, To be or not to be, that's the question.
I say, To say see you again or not, that's the question.
Will we meet again?
Let's be positive, yes.
Prayer is free, I will just pray for it first.

Both of my flight delayed.
KB-KL and KL-Miri.
My flight to Miri is about 7pm.
Ok, flight in night time can be romantic, nah I don't need one now.
hm, flight in night time can be peaceful, hmm yea quite true.

The fact is, it is so not true...
My emotion was waving.
The nearer is me to Miri, the thought of missing something grow stronger.
The memories boiled inside me.
The feelings squeeze me.
I felt the tears, it flow out from a tank which is fully filled.
For the FIRST time, my eyes don't get dry in flight...

For half a decade studying "oversea", I was having a few conflict in my life.
One of it is,
What to do when I have more than one circle of friends which matter a lot to me?
One is my chinese friends, One is my church friends.

Weekend is precious for everyone.
Holiday is precious for everyone too.
Free time is even more precious.
Students like to do activities or have gathering in these time.
Yet, when these time come, I would having a hard time to choose who to spend my time with.
It is not like one is matter than the another.
But when I choose over one of it, the another one missed me...
I am kinda noob in multi-tasking over friends.
eg, When I mixed into A, I hardly can care B, so do the C, D and E.

Nevertheless, I just realized something today.
To FSOG church members and Care Group Besut members, I want to say that, you all are my family.
Despite the bad, bitter or sour past, i realized that
you all are my beloved family.
You all are my home.
We had spent time together for almost 5 years and there were so many things happened in between, things that scattered us and bonded us.
We have witnessed each other grew in His plan, we have made effort for each other and we have been there for each other.
Thanks for accepting this one Chinese guy here with God's love and care him as he always hope for it.

To my CG members,
I love you all, although I am noob in loving people.
I thought that we could be closer friend, but the truth is we actually are a family already.
Yet, sorry for being cool most of the time.
I "hold back" a alot of my true self.

To my other circle of friends during my uni life,
thanks for accepting me and befriend me despite my hard-to-understand characteristic.
I am shy, I am sensitive, I am noob.
Honestly, there were lot of time I' were hurt and disappointed when we were together. I thought that these friends were so not thoughtful, not considerate and not into me. Still, you guys are matter to me.
I regret a lot for holding back myself, regret that i didn't being friend enough.
But I was so afraid to open up myself...
Although we could not spent enough time for each other and understand each other well, you guys still having a seat in my heart.

I can't write further.
I am sleepy and my mind is kinda messy, since things keep popping out, especially memory and emotion.
I would stop here.
Be strong jai seng.
Be strong my peeps.
Good night...

再见了，我的大学生涯（5年又3个月）

滴答滴答，
时间不留人，
身在考场，
分秒必争，
手里握着的笔肆意在试卷上绘画，
停不下来，
眼角却时不时游向窗外，
凝望，发呆，
瞧那走廊，瞧那课室。。


滴答滴答，
时间不骗人，
考完了最后一张试卷，
今天也将为我的大学生涯画下句点，
今天，
就是今天。
离别的日子，
难以接受，
却真实的可以。。

滴答滴答，
时间催人，
列车即将出发，
可否，让我陪你到下一个站口，
就多一分钟，
让我好好珍重？
催了岁月，
催了眼泪，
但愿也催了我们的重逢。。。

回首已是五年身

倒数半年，就即将毕业了。转眼就是五年，眼屎还没来得及清掉，就已在这时间点。

看一看四周，当初的热血，抱负，都零散在地上。有些都不见踪影了。是醉酒后打翻的吗？是什么时候开始学会买醉呢？

我，醉了多少夜晚？


还记得刚踏入师范学院，尽管前路未卜，总会对未来有所期待，总在想办法做些什么来打造美好的未来。
尽管别人指指点点，说三道四，依然坚持己见，凡事以升华且装备自己为首。有空闲时间就埋头看书，少掺人空谈。

那时只顾着自己的人生方向，自身的价值观又过高，却不会拿捏，多少显得有些孤僻。
表达方式很婉转，难以了解，也不是很会和人打成一片，天真的以为周边的人都像中学时期的朋友那样能接受我，给与谅解和包容。
可问题是，我忽略了，也不擅于经营和身边的人的关系。

就这样，一个人天真地，盲目地，向前冲。。。。。。
久而久之，
得不到肯定，身心也疲惫，
水满则倾。。。。。。

渐渐的，
放纵自己，不再坚持对的东西。

懒散，堕落。
对于过往的坚持气馁及失望，
学习不良的习惯。
促成今天的果实。

不知何月何日，
能远离这样的日子。
只希望一次又一次的反省，不像酒后的尿，一炮而去。

First Post in 2015

Here goes him, walking down the basement, to visit his store. It took him more than 2 hours to get in there this time. After leaving it for so long, the lock had gotten rusty and dusty. But he is a stubborn man, who don’t just give up yet. After some struggle, he manage to open the door. There it is, a smell of abandoned basement.

He sit in front of the cracked tv as usual. Looking at it as if something is playing. He could spend a night just sitting there and starring like that. After a while, he reach to the diary on the desk. He used to write diary. What an old fashioned man.

With the help of the dim light, he start writing :

_________________________________________________________________________________

17 Mac 2015, MondaY

-Feeling contented. -

I am refreshed by God through a sermon of Joseph Prince entitled “Grace Leads to True Repentance”. There was too much of message I received but I can’t share each of them here. Wish I was given the ability to do so.

By today, I’ve realized that my self-righteous which had hinder me from a true repentance all this while. I’ve realized the true meaning of repentance, which I have been misunderstand and kept condemning myself. I’ve realized, there’s nothing I can do to cleanse myself or live in holiness, except let God’s grace to fall on me. . .

So today, I want to receive this TRUE repentance. I want to have my breath, while aware that His grace is so awesome and overflowing. I prayed that my soul be renewed.

 I hereby also want to invite more person to receive this gift.

“You don’t have to worry when you found yourself filthy and unworthy, for God has knew it and He still love you, accept you and forgive you”

Reff : Grace Leads to True Repentance
__________________________________________________________________________________

He don't seem to write much this time. Maybe because it is late night already, he looks tire after finish the writing. Putting back the diary on the desk, he then move to the sofa and sleep over there. He don't snore, but he sleep soundly..

"You can’t stop the birds from flying over your head, but you can keep them from building a nest in your hair."

Well, I'm clearer that I'm still too vulnerable to people' though and respond..

Gosh, got to improve on that..
Perhaps order an anti-nest spray first..





God, I believe there is grudge and fear inside of me, keep holding me back, but I just can't recognize and deal with it..

I long for Your healing..

模糊的相片

“甜蜜蜜，你笑得甜蜜蜜，好像花儿开在春风里。。。。。。
兹。。。。。。兹。。。。。。”
当凯仁回过神时，
眼前的世界，尽是黑白的。
他观看，晓得他正处于一个七，八十年代的房子。那朴素的装潢，陈列的陶制瓷瓶，经典的收音机，没有一样是属于这个年代的。
房里的收音机时不时地在跳针，更衬托出那老旧的程度。


小心地，凯仁走向橱柜，眼目被琳琅满目的相片所吸引。他扫过每一张相片，脸上摆出疑惑的表情。他发现，每一张相片，都有个脸孔是特别的模糊。凯仁越是想，越是害怕，恐怕自己正上演恐怖片的男主角，转身想要离开。可这时，灯光灭了，凯仁不小心，失足了！随之，一个莫名的声音向凯仁靠近着，他想再次逃离，可他的脚不听使唤，他吓得脸发青，便 “啊。。。。。。”


事后，凯仁只觉得有些昏眩，当他张开眼睛时，才知道自己在飞机场的待机室睡着了。此时控制台正播放着温馨的最后提醒，让此时班机的乘客速速登机。噢，正是凯仁的班机！他赶紧收拾，提着行李排队去。当他检查自己的班机证件等等时他笑了。婆婆的照片都沾上了口水，必定是睡觉时流下的。哈哈，怪不得婆婆的脸，模糊了。。。。。。

凯仁愉快地，踏上班机，赶回家里吃团圆饭。



*祝读者新年快乐，平平安安！ 和家人共处美好的时间！ 神赐福你。。。。。。

The everlasting identity

Who am I, in other people' eyes?

I have kept myself drowning, fell into this trap again of questioning own value..

There were times that i thought that,

my presence is not appreciated;

my presence is not welcomed;

Some just take benefit and fun out of me...

Well, I must have forgotten my identity given by Him, which last till forever.

I am a prince of the kingdom.

I am a friend to Him,

I am His most precious son!

All of these is written in bible..

Thanks God for Your love,

Thanks God for Your wonderful reminder and perfect timing..

You are God of Wonder..

You are God who lead me to the meaning of this life..