Happy birthday, Sin Wei

Dear sin wei,

Happy birthday ya. haha, though u had left but we, chinese in ipg here stil oganised a simple birthday celebration for you.
Didn't have any birthday cake, but with birthday song, wishes, sincerity, i think u would be happy too if you could still b here...
Amos had made a slide show out of pics and wishes from us for you. When the girls are watching on the slide show, i saw some of them get wet in their eyes, some of them hung a smile on their face but i felt the sorrow. Anyway, i believe you don't wish us to be desperate for times, yet i believe you would feel sad to see them to hung a fake smile. But don't worry, they would grow somehow,they would be strong 1 day, though take time...
Sin Wei,
I did edit the lyric of a song for you.. I sang for you with the accompany of guitar's plucking by Louis. We tried for almost 2 hours for it.. Sry ya i don't have a good sound and singing skill. I hope you like it anyway.
Louis and Amos them called me "长老" just now. Then only i realized i am the eldest chinese among this batch now. You, me and Louis are 91's in this batch, yet you and me always dislike being the eldest. But then i reli wished to help all of them jz now. I mean understand their situation and help. But i understand that it is not a must too. They could have their own trustful friends to share with. Well, I would pray for them, help them whenever i could. So, don't worry la.
Thank you for the present in our memory, thank you for letting us have such chance to grow. Happy birthday to you...

纪念 3月10号

假日已开始了五天左右，
同样那悲剧也过了五天左右。。。

Iniyan ( my previous roommate )
Joseph ( my neighbour )
Goh Shu Yin ( my tough chinese friend )
Alexis Goh Sin Wei ( my cheerful chinese friend )

放假的星期四下午，
就在我和朋友玩乐时，
突然接到一个无望的消息，Sin Wei and Iniyan 在车祸中当场身亡。
那个晚上又接着收到Joseph and Shu yin 相继过世的消息。。。。。。

说实话，
我并不"显得"很难过，
心理上是有影响,
可我想表达上是有差别吧。。。

生命，
短暂，
最糟糕的是，
如果我们都活错了生命，目的。。。

我选择在沉淀了几天后才写出自己的心情，
是希望观察自己真实，隐藏的心情。

结果，
发现自己还不懂得珍惜。
觉悟也不过维持那几天罢了。。
HMM，
主啊，
恳求你眷顾我。。。

这个假期
我在SIVA的家度过，
他们一家人，
好热闹哦。。。
也体验了很多东西。

他的妈妈煮得一手好菜，
华人，马来人，印度人的餐点，
都难不倒她。
拥有可平静心灵的和蔼，慈祥。。。

他的爸爸，
待人厚道，
也让人有人安全感。。。

他的弟弟和妹妹，
都很开朗，有自信。。。

有时会感触，
觉得他们对自己都好真哦。
反看自己，
不知想要隐藏什么似的。。。

HMM，
恐惧,像是笼子；
自卑，像是大石；
靠自己，我没信心面对，
惟有靠神，给我明确的生命意义，
我才有那勇气，
去作一番。。。

主啊，
离了你，
我还能作什么？
啊门。。。。。。

冰冻的城堡

失控，
陷入低潮，
冰冷的气流漂流在血液中，
却无法平静那烦燥。。。

脆弱的冰，
脆弱的心。。。

多少个夜晚，
已成了平静自己的粉丝。。

多少个星星，
看着我以睡眠来逃避事实。。。

主啊，
求祢赐我安慰，
抓紧我。。。。。。。。

Happy birthday da ge!

To jai zing :
Life isn't easy, but you had accompany me all the time..
Life isn't long, yet thanks God we can be sibling..
God bless ya..

Stretched mind

Lot of things to endure lately...
Yet my rational thinking and self control don't stand a chance to rest...

If i had give up on God,
i would already lose myself..

Am i so special? If so why do i am afraid to be and admit it?

For God there is no coincidence,
I went for a counseling session just now.
It was a group counseling whereby there are 5 of us ( PJ coursemate )

The process and procedure are not much different as i can guess.
However, what gained my attention was the session to draw out your own strength and fitness..

*No leakage of the others's drawing of strengths and weaknesses would be made"

I was the 1st 1 to introduce my own strengths and weaknesses.
To be honest, i don't view myself as a person with much strength but more weaknesses.

In the drawing which i draw without much consideration and doubt,
i draw a cross with a heart, as well as some minor explanation..

I do,
I do believe that the relationship with God is everything.
I believe all my strengths and weaknesses are from God,
morever, for all of these are useless if i don't contribute it in the way God prefer it to be..

So,i didn't describe clearly my strengths and weaknesses in my drawing, but a cross with heart..

Which reflect my mind that,
I am nothing without God..
yet i can't do anything..
The anything i can do also would be nothing lastly..

I really be honest to myself in that time..

But i reli wonder again once i saw the others' drawing and heard the others' explanation..

They have much different opinion..

I have to admit 1 of my weakness here too.
I take time to accept the others as well as the things i dislike or disagree.

I can't conclude much for them..
I believe God have His own plan for me..

I pray for my growth,
please bless me to hav a close relationship with You, God..
I pray for my future,
If You agree to let me become a counsellor or hav the counsellor's skill to serve the people, please bless me and help me, lead me to the way..
I pray for those couples and singles today,
so that they could back to you.
Pray that less people commit suicide due to Breakage of Love..
In the name of Jesus, Amen..

Not more than words, yet not 1 could understand easily

I am now doing the thing i didn't do for months,
which is having my flashback with the sentimental song surround my mind...
>< I don't like to immerse myself in a blue, but i found that the feelings in the songs could understand me actually..

I am not special,
but sometime i am wonder whenever i seem like so "special"..

I knew i did the right things sometimes,
but sometime it was not in the eyes of others..

I knew the complex spiritual problem which can makes me down most severely,
but sometime it was not easy to have others understand why i am like this......

Silence,
is hard to understand, but not hard to notice

Words,
is not hard to notice, but hard to understand

I used to back to God for His greatest love, care and comfort,
but i have fall lately..
i have fall lately..