Am i so special? If so why do i am afraid to be and admit it?

For God there is no coincidence,
I went for a counseling session just now.
It was a group counseling whereby there are 5 of us ( PJ coursemate )

The process and procedure are not much different as i can guess.
However, what gained my attention was the session to draw out your own strength and fitness..

*No leakage of the others's drawing of strengths and weaknesses would be made"

I was the 1st 1 to introduce my own strengths and weaknesses.
To be honest, i don't view myself as a person with much strength but more weaknesses.

In the drawing which i draw without much consideration and doubt,
i draw a cross with a heart, as well as some minor explanation..

I do,
I do believe that the relationship with God is everything.
I believe all my strengths and weaknesses are from God,
morever, for all of these are useless if i don't contribute it in the way God prefer it to be..

So,i didn't describe clearly my strengths and weaknesses in my drawing, but a cross with heart..

Which reflect my mind that,
I am nothing without God..
yet i can't do anything..
The anything i can do also would be nothing lastly..

I really be honest to myself in that time..

But i reli wonder again once i saw the others' drawing and heard the others' explanation..

They have much different opinion..

I have to admit 1 of my weakness here too.
I take time to accept the others as well as the things i dislike or disagree.

I can't conclude much for them..
I believe God have His own plan for me..

I pray for my growth,
please bless me to hav a close relationship with You, God..
I pray for my future,
If You agree to let me become a counsellor or hav the counsellor's skill to serve the people, please bless me and help me, lead me to the way..
I pray for those couples and singles today,
so that they could back to you.
Pray that less people commit suicide due to Breakage of Love..
In the name of Jesus, Amen..

Not more than words, yet not 1 could understand easily

I am now doing the thing i didn't do for months,
which is having my flashback with the sentimental song surround my mind...
>< I don't like to immerse myself in a blue, but i found that the feelings in the songs could understand me actually..

I am not special,
but sometime i am wonder whenever i seem like so "special"..

I knew i did the right things sometimes,
but sometime it was not in the eyes of others..

I knew the complex spiritual problem which can makes me down most severely,
but sometime it was not easy to have others understand why i am like this......

Silence,
is hard to understand, but not hard to notice

Words,
is not hard to notice, but hard to understand

I used to back to God for His greatest love, care and comfort,
but i have fall lately..
i have fall lately..

农历新年

很幸运的，
上帝给了我这个机会回来美里庆祝新年。

其实，
我并不在乎有否庆祝，
只是家人是我最大考量的因素。

在机票上就花费RM1000左右，
并不是我向往的作风。。。

或许，
我可以用这笔钱，
去 EXPLORE 西马，
去 捐款，
去 买些会帮助我在外生活的用品。。。

花费在机票上，
心也会淌着血的 TT 。。。

在家里也没帮上什么忙，
就做些自己的事情。。。

在乎什么，
执着什么，
有时真搞不懂。。。

离了祢，
我还能做什么。。。

主阿，
恳求祢怜悯我，
教我懂的了解与施行爱。。。

没有祢，
没有爱，
没有意义。。。

新年又怎么快乐呢？